11 Signs Your Partner is Having an Emotional Affair

Having an Emotional Affair

An Emotional Affair is Not About Sex!

When people think of cheating, they automatically think of sex. Sex with someone else is the underlying evil that breaks up relationships, turns spouses into cheaters and regular people into porn addicts. However, many relationship experts agree that there is more to cheating than just sex. Some people who step out on their partners don’t do it for the sex; they do it for the emotion.

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A Fine Line

There’s a fine line between friendship and an emotional affair. Emotional affairs are secret friendships and this kind of relationship includes a lot of moments a person would never want their partner to find out about. If you feel like your partner is pushing you out of their life, you may think they are having an emotional affair. Conversely, you may feel entitled to have an emotional affair. But if you feel like your partner could be stepping out on you and committing emotional infidelity, here are 11 signs to look for:


1. They Get Excited When They Talk About Them

You know what infatuation feels and sounds like. When your partner talks about the other person, are they elated? Are they the new and interesting thing in their life? Do they mention them often? This behavior may be one of the initial red flags of an emotional affair. You should take an honest look at your relationship, identify the current problems, and take action to improve your intimacy and communication.

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2. They Deny the Obvious

Your partner could be in denial about their fierce connection to this friend. But if you see it and they don’t, this could be a red flag. Are they going to lunch with this person daily? Do they spend a lot of time with them after work and on the weekends? Do they choose to spend time with them instead of spending time with you? If they do, trouble could be brewing. Your partner is in denial and deceiving themselves and that leaves them wide open to an emotional affair.

3. They Omit Details and Half Share

Your partner may relate stories about this other person to prove that it’s just an innocent friendship. However, what they tell you may not be what actually happened. They could be omitting details or sharing half-truths because they know the truth would offend and hurt you.

4. They Become Secretive

Your partner could be having an emotional affair is they suddenly become secretive. They may hide their phone, change their pass code, and delete texts, emails and voice mails from this person. They may even start to mention them less so you think they’ve lost interest in the person.

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5. You Spend Many Nights Alone

You may have spent many nights alone when you were single, but that shouldn’t be the case when you are in a relationship. If you start to find yourself in that position again because your partner is out with the same friend night after night, they’re probably living a second, secret life.

6. They’re Looking Better Than Usual

People change all the time, and if you’re in a long-term relationship, chances are both you and your partner have changed hairstyles, clothing styles, gained or lost weight, etc. But what about a partner who suddenly changes out of the blue? Should you be suspicious that they are having an emotional affair? If there is not good reason for their change or if they deny even changing, you should be suspicious.

7. There Are No More Good Talks 

People tend to share their deepest thoughts and feelings with those they are closest to. It could be friends, family or a lover. Did you and your partner once have intimate conversations? When did they end? Was it when they started mentioning this other person? Having an emotional affair means that a person has made a deep, emotional connection with someone else. It’s the deep, emotional connection they used to have with you.

8. You Feel Closed Off (Literally and Emotionally)

If your partner has been emotionally withdrawn from you for a while, soon they will become physically withdrawn too. You’ll start to see the physical signs. There could be more closed doors between you (office, bedroom, garage) than ever before. They may want to spend more time alone. If they can’t be with that other person, they would just rather be by themselves.

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9. You Become the Bringer of Bad Moods

Another sign of an emotional affair is that your partner always seems to be in a bad mood in your presence. In fact, you are the one who they are always irritated with. They’re irritated because you aren’t the person they’re having the emotional affair with.

10. You No Longer Have Long-Tern Couple Goals

Your partner may be having an emotional affair if they no longer care about the long-term goals you once shared. Suddenly, they are no longer interested in getting married or buying a house. They’d rather just focus on the day-to-day activities of being in a relationship with you. Someone else could be getting in the way of your future.

11. They Constantly Criticize You

Being in love means seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses. That’s not a bad thing. But if your partner is having an emotional affair, they may suddenly discover things they don’t like or no longer accept about you. Have you become the target of constant criticism? They could just be falling out of love with you, but if there is someone else in the picture, this criticism could be the result of an emotional affair.

14 thoughts on “11 Signs Your Partner is Having an Emotional Affair

  1. helen

    My husband was in an emotional affair with a co worker for 20 months. And the day I found I out I was sadly having my adult daughters spy while we were outside in the hot tub so he had left the phone in the house since I was with him he was not worried. His phone never left his side. His FRIEND, her husband and son were at the house for a party. This was on Aug. 18, 2012…D-Day. When my daughters opened up his phone there were a series of 6 texts stating “I love you Babe”. I confronted my husband and his friend and although I was filled with rage kept my composure due to other people at the party and the humiliation of the discovery. To add insult to injury my husband said they were break up texts. He and his FRIEND were texting about 5,500 texts per month which was the average they also spoke on the phone over 100 calls a month and worked together from 8:30 AM till 4:30 PM. To my knowledge he did not meet with her and come home every night at the same time but he was hiding all over the house hanging out in the bathroom or kitchen, going to bed early to text, getting up early not waking me to text. One thing anyone in this position has to realize the cheater is in TOTAL DENIAL. They believe they are not doing anything wrong, and are just friends. The lying was so destructive I don’t know if I can ever feel the same, and a word of caution. I tried on multiple occasions to inform him that I knew about her and asked him to stop. He did not think he was doing anything wrong with is secret friend, so blew me off and since we had lost our connection it was increasingly more difficult to talk to him. This emotional affair was a little different than the ones generally written about he did not have to leave the house to do what he was doing and his denial of any wrong doing kept it going…until he was caught. I just wanted to share a different perspective which is when they are obsessed with their affair mate you are invisible they only see what they want to see.

    Reply
  2. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear Diana,

    It takes 2 to make a relationship work….but you are finding that out in a painful way already.

    If he won’t change , if he won’t consider counseling, than you have several decisions to make :
    1. Do you wish to continue living YOUR life being miserable and lonely and sad ?
    2. Is THIS the example of marriage and married life that you want your children to see ?

    This life is short, after trying all options to save this marriage , if you find that you can’t save it…then you will need to ask yourself some important questions…I mentioned 2 questions above already. And you will need to have an exit plan, one that works for you and your boys.

    This is NOT a psychic reading by the way…just some good grounded advice, something for you to think about.

    But at least see if counseling will work…if he won’t go, then you go…investigate counseling options in your area, there may be some that are free of charge.

    My best to you….Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  3. Diana

    I have a feeling this maybe what’s happening with my husband. I’ve always had to sinking feeling that something wasn’t right but never wanted to admit it. I don’t think he is cheating, but I have a strong feeling that he might have in his last store and that it’s emotional at this one. I notice that he would rather be upstairs and play his music or stand in the kitchen on his FB, or sit on the couch in the same room with me (on FB) and not hardly say two words. I think he is falling out of love with me, or he is already there. It feels like he is pushing me away and we hardly have sex anymore and when we do he sometimes has “problems”, he does drink a lot he can put down a 12 pack in one night, every night of the week if I would let him. When he is drinking I can feel that hatred coming off of him, but when he isn’t it just seems more muted I guess you can say. I don’t know what to do we have 3 boys and they are all under 15, so I want to try to work it out, but I can’t get that sinking feeling out of my stomach. I’m so confused and don’t know what to do and I don’t even know if I did find out forsure that he did or is, if I could ever trust him again. I can’t afford a reading of any kind and feel like that might be my only help :\

    Reply
  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Well Chrissi, looks like it’s up to you to bring about any changes …..time is flittering away….lots of fish in the sea out there. You deserve to be fulfilled and happy…..yes ?

    Reply
  5. Chrissi

    hubby is like this- but never mentions a person, just his politics- and I know we don’t agree on those nor do we share standards, religious beliefs nor do we even like the same TV programmes we have mostly separate rooms in the daytime when he’s home as he wants to watch his stuff on TV, and wouldn’t sit in the same room if I watch mine,my DVDs nor if I listen to any of my CDs, which as I don’t have a player I rarely listen to, he doesn’t sit in the same room with me and when eventually he does come up into the bedroom he just goes into the bed and sleeps so although we share the computer-mine died – the only time we talk is if we are out together, and we don’t do that often as we don’t have a lot of money I’ve used up my business money and any other cash and credit I had including pawning all my jewellery but never even been thanked nor been helped to retrieve it -25 years married this year and I feel so alone

    Reply
  6. Tammy

    Great read and very good list for a reality check for sure. I just experienced this with my husband and already new all the signs by following my own gut feelings. We are doing well now and working on our own emotions. After 22 years of marriage and almost losing each other, we finally are loving each other at the same time.

    Reply
  7. Sharon Brantley

    The heart hurts like hell when u allow someone else to come in that u could trust to be your friend lover husband one day and live like a happy family then u find out they just was playing a head game now I don’t want to love again I’m bleeding it’s painful

    Reply
  8. pat

    Good article. Describes my situation exactly. My husband has a special ‘friend’ he spends time with in person and on the phone, and I recently discovered he is secretly planning to take her to a spa as a birthday present. Apparantly she is more ‘worthy’ as I was told when I needed to borrow money and he said no but he was quite happy to give her his credit card to use. We’ve been together 43 years but I don’t think this is going to end well.

    Reply
  9. Quinn ext.5484-Quinn Psychic ext 5484

    Love that you made it 11 signs to enlightenment being 11 is the number of enlightenment… when the lights go on you are able to see better into your relationship. time for long talk

    if any of these things are happening in your relationship consider what you might not be bringing to the table and be responsible for your part in having your partner stray even emotionally, well actually emotionally is the deepest hardest element in relationships when you get down to the facts it’s all about how you “feel”.

    relationships take lots of work –

    Buddha Bless ~

    Reply
  10. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Excellent article, Eric.

    All red flags for sure that something is amiss in the relationship. And, usually, where the mind and heart go, the body eventually follows.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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