An Emotional Affair is Not About Sex!
When people think of cheating, they automatically think of sex. Sex with someone else is the underlying evil that breaks up relationships, turns spouses into cheaters and regular people into porn addicts. However, many relationship experts agree that there is more to cheating than just sex. Some people who step out on their partners don’t do it for the sex; they do it for the emotion.
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A Fine Line
There’s a fine line between friendship and an emotional affair. Emotional affairs are secret friendships and this kind of relationship includes a lot of moments a person would never want their partner to find out about. If you feel like your partner is pushing you out of their life, you may think they are having an emotional affair. Conversely, you may feel entitled to have an emotional affair. But if you feel like your partner could be stepping out on you and committing emotional infidelity, here are 11 signs to look for:
1. They Get Excited When They Talk About Them
You know what infatuation feels and sounds like. When your partner talks about the other person, are they elated? Are they the new and interesting thing in their life? Do they mention them often? This behavior may be one of the initial red flags of an emotional affair. You should take an honest look at your relationship, identify the current problems, and take action to improve your intimacy and communication.
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2. They Deny the Obvious
Your partner could be in denial about their fierce connection to this friend. But if you see it and they don’t, this could be a red flag. Are they going to lunch with this person daily? Do they spend a lot of time with them after work and on the weekends? Do they choose to spend time with them instead of spending time with you? If they do, trouble could be brewing. Your partner is in denial and deceiving themselves and that leaves them wide open to an emotional affair.
3. They Omit Details and Half Share
Your partner may relate stories about this other person to prove that it’s just an innocent friendship. However, what they tell you may not be what actually happened. They could be omitting details or sharing half-truths because they know the truth would offend and hurt you.
4. They Become Secretive
Your partner could be having an emotional affair is they suddenly become secretive. They may hide their phone, change their pass code, and delete texts, emails and voice mails from this person. They may even start to mention them less so you think they’ve lost interest in the person.
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5. You Spend Many Nights Alone
You may have spent many nights alone when you were single, but that shouldn’t be the case when you are in a relationship. If you start to find yourself in that position again because your partner is out with the same friend night after night, they’re probably living a second, secret life.
6. They’re Looking Better Than Usual
People change all the time, and if you’re in a long-term relationship, chances are both you and your partner have changed hairstyles, clothing styles, gained or lost weight, etc. But what about a partner who suddenly changes out of the blue? Should you be suspicious that they are having an emotional affair? If there is not good reason for their change or if they deny even changing, you should be suspicious.
7. There Are No More Good Talks
People tend to share their deepest thoughts and feelings with those they are closest to. It could be friends, family or a lover. Did you and your partner once have intimate conversations? When did they end? Was it when they started mentioning this other person? Having an emotional affair means that a person has made a deep, emotional connection with someone else. It’s the deep, emotional connection they used to have with you.
8. You Feel Closed Off (Literally and Emotionally)
If your partner has been emotionally withdrawn from you for a while, soon they will become physically withdrawn too. You’ll start to see the physical signs. There could be more closed doors between you (office, bedroom, garage) than ever before. They may want to spend more time alone. If they can’t be with that other person, they would just rather be by themselves.
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9. You Become the Bringer of Bad Moods
Another sign of an emotional affair is that your partner always seems to be in a bad mood in your presence. In fact, you are the one who they are always irritated with. They’re irritated because you aren’t the person they’re having the emotional affair with.
10. You No Longer Have Long-Tern Couple Goals
Your partner may be having an emotional affair if they no longer care about the long-term goals you once shared. Suddenly, they are no longer interested in getting married or buying a house. They’d rather just focus on the day-to-day activities of being in a relationship with you. Someone else could be getting in the way of your future.
11. They Constantly Criticize You
Being in love means seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses. That’s not a bad thing. But if your partner is having an emotional affair, they may suddenly discover things they don’t like or no longer accept about you. Have you become the target of constant criticism? They could just be falling out of love with you, but if there is someone else in the picture, this criticism could be the result of an emotional affair.