The end of the year is a time to reminisce about the past and hope for the future. But too often, people turn this time of reflection into an excuse to wallow in self-pity, loneliness and despair.
This year, don’t dwell on what’s missing in your life – instead, focus on what you have and how you can use it to get what you want. Follow these tips and you can say goodbye to loneliness and hello to LOVE!
Learn from the past…
All the self-help books in the world will never compare to the lessons your own life can teach you. But don’t just look at your past romances in terms of success or failure — try to see them as learning experiences that have brought you one step closer to the happy, healthy relationship you deserve.
Pay attention to patterns in your life. If you always tend to get burned by a certain kind of man, ask yourself why you continue to be drawn to him and what you can do to make better choices moving forward.
…Then let it go
When examined with a healthy distance and perspective, your personal history can be incredibly instructive. But when you dwell on the past rather than moving forward, it can become incredibly destructive.
If you’re hanging on to the same ideal of a partner that you’ve had since you were sixteen, chances are you’re not living in the present. If you’re hoping to rekindle a long-dead romance from the past, you’re probably not open to finding someone new to build a future with.
The first step to moving forward? Clarify what you’re looking for by putting your thoughts down on paper. Make a list of all the things you want in a partner. Then make another list of “non-negotiables” — things you aren’t willing to compromise, no matter how good he looks in those jeans.
Next, make some lists about yourself. What kind of partner do you want to be? What are you best characteristics — and what are things you’d like to work on? You’re not writing New Year’s resolutions here, you’re taking an honest inventory of who you are in the moment — and who you want to be in the comings days, months and years of your life.
Make a plan
Once you’ve laid out who you are and what you’re looking for, you can make a plan for how to connect the two. Make a list of ways you can seek out new friends and create opportunities to meet potential partners, like playing on a recreational sports team, joining a book club, or taking a class. Then think of ways you can hold yourself accountable to these goals. Make a pact to go out on a date once a month – even if you have to ask out a stranger on the last day of the month!
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