Ah, that perfect person… the one who makes your heart race, your stomach churn and your sexy bits sizzle. You’ll know them when you see them, right? While we all make lists (mental or otherwise) of the qualities we want in a perfect mate, that’s where many of us prematurely stop. Once you make your list, go through it again to see if you possess all the qualities you wrote down. If not, you better get busy!
Instead of seeking someone whose attributes seem like they might fill a void, the key to finding your perfect mate is simply to become exactly the person you’re looking for. Then you have a realistic chance of attracting them. Here’s why:
Like attracts like
You’ve heard the theory before and can probably think of instances where it’s proven true in your life… Love is no different. When you hold yourself up to the standards you set for someone else, you’ll most likely find areas where you do – and don’t – measure up. The trick is to exceed them all. Of course, this does not mean you should become a carbon copy of the person you’re looking for. All human beings are unique and it’s just as important to stay true to yourself as it is to measure up to your own standards. So, think about how you can “be the change you wish to see” in your love life (and thereby attract your perfect match).
Make it intimate
Leaving out physical characteristics (like height and weight, hair or eye color), make your next list of the qualities you believe your perfect mate should have (i.e. they’re honest, have lots of integrity, are educated, a good money maker, compassionate, fun, easy going). But rather than just rolling free-flow until you’ve got a list a mile long, consider what each characteristic means to you and why it is important. If you say you want to marry a lawyer, what is the emotional root of this desire? Is it because you want to feel secure financially and think a lawyer can provide that? Or, might it be because you want to engage in good debate with your mate – and who better than a litigator? Whatever the case, consider replacing your specific “desire” with your desired feeling. Rather than writing “I want to meet a communicator” (most likely on the heels of a string of partners who didn’t share their feelings), write “I want to meet someone who can express their thoughts and feelings to me freely.” If what you want and how you want to feel aren’t related, consider omitting it.
Check your stats
Next, take a look at your list and consider how you measure up. By re-framing what you’re after, you can get a much better idea of yourself and where you stand. After all, you may not be a lawyer, but if you want a mate who is financially stable, can you take care of yourself? If you’re seeking someone who can support your dreams, can you support theirs? If you’re after a person who is open enough to confide in you – are you willing to confide in them? And can you honor their confidences? Work on meeting your own demands. And in the meantime, by cultivating the traits you wish to encounter, you’ll open yourself up to others who are traveling similar paths with similar goals – romantic and otherwise.
Change your perspective
Instead of thinking of why things won’t work, or why you won’t meet your mate, or why no one will ever measure up to your checklist, think about how someone will. And most importantly, open yourself up to being wrong on one or two counts. After all, even if you’re psychic, you don’t know exactly who your mate’s going to be! Everyone has surprises in store, and to miss out on an opportunity for love because of a few words written on a piece of paper would be a shame, wouldn’t it?
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