Hope from Buffalo Grove, Illinois says:
I am truly, madly, deeply in love with a married man… It’s complicated because his wife has given him a “permanent hall pass.” They’ve agreed to remain in a “platonic” relationship for many reasons. We have amazing chemistry, terrific sex, a deep connection and I am able to orgasm with him (for the first time in my life). I wonder what future you see for us? Does he love me as much as he says he does? I can’t imagine my life without him in it!
Greetings, Hope, and thank you for your inquiry. You are indeed fortunate in experiencing a sensual pair bonding of this sweltering sort. When one connects on levels below the known layers, into the depths of the forbidden subconscious core, it can be a riveting, totally consuming process. Passions like yours aren’t very common in this age of sugary soft Julia Roberts films and bestselling books on how to snare that socially lucrative boyfriend. Consider yourself one of the lucky few and quit second guessing the mad methods of Eros. There are no perfect situations. Your body knows what it seeks, but your mind invents idealized notions and excuses.
You state that this relationship is complicated due to the open nature of your partner’s marriage, but I would say this fact un-complicates things entirely. He and his wife have a contractual relationship and a good friendship. From what I see his wife is a realist, highly pragmatic, and very much enjoys her lifestyle. What she doesn’t enjoy is sex with him. It matters very little to her who sleeps in his beds, so long as that woman doesn’t attempt to usurp her position. In that, I fear she’s more than a bit naive because while this arrangement may be ideal for a more sophisticated sort of couple, most of the women her husband encounters will no doubt have some silly notion of bagging him for herself in a conventional marriage. Isn’t that right, Hope?
I’d suggest you dispense with that idea right now. Your connection to this man is very different from his connection to his wife. You work well with him in the bedroom. But she has worked well with him for years in family situations, in business situations, through crisis and sickness and everything else. This isn’t a bad marriage, and they aren‘t going to split up. Now, this man isn’t lying about his love for you. You and he have great intensity and heat. It’s a novel, untamed relationship that can last for some time… and the less you meddle in his personal life, the longer it might continue.
Love exists mostly in the subconscious. This man has opened you sexually. He brought both taboo and fear to you… Liberated you from numb and nervous energies. In his embrace, your body found itself. Now that it has awoken, it won’t be so easily subdued. Because you associate this man with intense pleasure, your value placement on him is through the roof. You think he is necessary to that kind of pleasure, but the truth is now that the channel is opened, all sorts of alterations are possible with equally pleasurable results. The ability to orgasm comes from within you. In your mind, with your body. It’s not some special ability of his to bring forth. One day, believe it or not, you’ll manage it without his help. Accept what the two of you have for what it really is and enjoy it. Love for the moment and think of nothing else.
Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.