Sex Q&A: Is He Using Her?

Alba writes:

I’m in a sexual relationship with a man who has a girlfriend and lives with her, but he tells me that he only wants to have sex with me. The only reason he’s still with her is because he’s saving a lot of money by living at her place, and his dreams are to travel. I see him every other day … we have lunch all the time. We’re even planning a getaway together. He’s been with her for a year and with me for almost three months. To me it looks like he’s using her, but I don’t know if I should believe him. What advice do you have for me in a situation like this?

Thank you, Alba, for sharing your situation,

I want to assist you in your endeavor to win this man as your mate because I see that he is indeed quite taken by you and very interested in you on all levels of attraction. You are layering well here, indulging in pursuits both in and out of the bedroom to infiltrate his energy grid. However, to be even more successful in your most seductive efforts, you will have to dispense with some illusions, and isolate the truth from this fellow’s rather self-gratifying fiction.

I do not at all believe he is being totally honest with you. Yes, he is saving some money in his situation, and a portion of his motives are mercenary. He is a very vital fellow, perhaps more vital than you’d like to believe. He tells you he only wants you sexually … or better to say, he ‘prefers’ you sexually … make no mistake, he is still bedding down with her. As he sees it, why not have the best of both worlds and enjoy the meat and marrow of life?

It is not for us to judge him on this — but if your intention here is to pry him from the grasp of your rival, then obviously things must proceed according to your designs, not his … This is not such a difficult matter for you. You have already lured him into your realm, and from here, we only need to present him with something more lucrative than playing house with her while he makes love to you. Life is all about risk, reward, and punishment. Anything you want can be yours, if you utilize this knowledge. You must make what you have to offer more valuable than anything she can give him. And then you have to drive the point home, because a man having two women in bed at once is already in a very pleasurable position.

You are seen as the novel, the new, the mistress, the forbidden … so capitalize on it. Make yourself alluring in mysterious and shadowy ways … Change your attire subtly. Darker shades … more makeup. Wear black stockings and sunglasses. Meet him for lunch in quiet, out-of-the-way places. Then make yourself unavailable … disappear for a few days ‘on business.’ Never answer the phone when he calls, but call him back yourself later. If he calls anytime after 7pm, don’t return the call until the next day — and be evasive as to your whereabouts.

When you are alone together, try playing the schoolgirl, as this links the subconscious of the male with images of novelty in sex — wear your hair in a ponytail, listen to pop music, chew gum. In bed, be an animal — hold nothing back. Be vicious with him one time, be submissive another, never let him guess what comes next. Let your passion for him flow without censure. Be the enigma in his life, and he’ll never leave your side.

Good luck,


Do you have a question for Liam? Ask here!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *