Sex Q&A: In Love With Her Friend’s Significant Other

Lisa writes:

Gosh! I never thought in my whole entire life that I would be in a situation like this. I’ve been with my husband for about nine years now. I have a best friend that I’ve known for about two years, and she’s been with her significant other for 11 years. The crazy thing is … her significant other and I are in love! Are we just with the wrong people? We just can’t keep away from each other, and want to be together all the time.

I feel bad about doing this to my best friend and my husband. I never really had a connection with my husband, but I can connect right away with my best friend’s man. What do I do? I feel like we are meant to be together. I’ve never wanted anything as much as this for myself in my life, but I don’t want to hurt anyone. Should we stay away, or is it possible that we can have a future together and be happy? Please help me!

Dear Lisa,

Please understand this situation is insane, because love is insane. It is painful, because love is painful. Real love demands much of us, and it is never an easy road when it comes smashing into our lives. Be gentle with yourself over this. There are many people who would nail you and your lover to the nearest tree. They’ll give you tons of advice on how wrong you both are and be only too glad to tell you that you are terrible people.

And not one of them, not a single one, has ever tasted true love as you have. For if they had, they would understand. Love demands that we relinquish control. So, please, just stop fighting. From what I see, it isn’t any use … this love between the two of you is a force so big it will tear you to pieces if it wishes. But I do advise you to move with caution in this affair.

You say you are both with the wrong people, and I will tell you that is not strictly true. Both of you were with the right people for what you needed at that time in your lives. But that is over. Now it is time for the two of you to come together, and it is clear to me that you will be together … but I will warn you that the way will be hard and long. Take your time. I sense your spouse is restless as well — he just doesn’t know how to say it. Everyone involved in this is changing.

I suggest you maintain your love affair in secret for a time and just feel your way through it. Give it time to grow. Your other relationships will come apart naturally, and it won’t take as long as you think. I will not be so bold as to tell you that you will live happily ever after with this man, but let me say this — sometimes, with enough sacrifice, some couples come close. You and your fellow have a whole lot of sacrifice ahead, if you really want to be together. There are great rewards on the other side, if you can make it. I believe you can.

Good luck,


Do you have question for Liam? Ask here!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *