Sex Q&A: Is He My Soulmate?

Angela wrote:

I have recently had an extramarital emotional affair with a friend. It never really extended to the physical though we wanted to. Not proud of this and it is over now, but it happened. The problem is, I found that I truly care for this person and somehow know that he is my soulmate. This feels very much like a punishment for a past transgression. I myself feel it was very real but not sure about the other person. I cannot move on because I’m not sure what to do about it.


We can deal with this pain-filled situation, you and I. However, I ‘m going to ask you to stop dressing the sad and shuddering emotions you feel in ideological terms and fantasies. Such cerebral notions only cloud the body’s intent, denying us entrance to the sacred kingdoms of sensuality so often hidden from our view. This man is not your soulmate … That ludicrous ideal is nothing more than a pretty cloak to cover the raw urges of our bodies … a fancy robe for the naked reality and frightening power of sex. You aren’t being punished for anything … I toss the issue of good and bad, crime and punishment, in there with the ‘soulmate’ ideology as just another infiltration of the puritanical into the faltering foundations of the New Age.

What is happening to you is very simple, it is also quite beautiful… You find yourself in a marriage devoid of passion. It is a lukewarm relationship and always has been. I see that you’ve never known real passion about anything in your life. You are divorced from the deep recesses of your own body and subconscious mind because anything truly passionate frightens you. This fear is not of your own making. I see that it was ground into you at the youngest of ages. So when this fellow came along, you were given a chance to move into the perilous realm of true feeling. He is an initiator, not a soulmate. He was to set you ablaze and grant you liberation.

Afterward, you were to perhaps leave your situation and become a true creature of revelation and evolution… but, you choose otherwise. You chose propriety and denied yourself emancipation from soul-numbing enslavement. However, I sense that you might get another chance. The reason you cannot let this go, is because Nature is still working, and a part of you knows that if you do not go to this man’s bed, you will die inside. No passion, no pain, just a long slow mediocrity of spirit. You must decide, and then you must act. It will be up to you to approach him this time, because he thinks you do not want him now and he must leave you alone so as not to disrupt your life. But, in truth, he feels just as you do, and has just as many regrets.

Make your choice, and make it well. But know this … I see that you will never have anything long term with this man. If that is what you are dreaming of, then forget the whole thing. This relationship is not a replacement for your bad marriage. But if you want to have experience, and the moment, and passion, and the pleasure… If you want to live, then now is the time. The choice is yours.


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