I’ve been married for five months, and I’ve already cheated on my husband twice. Once three months after the wedding, and the other time this month. It’s been with my ex-boyfriend, and he’s married–but I love him dearly. Should I leave my husband and stick to the one I love?
Greetings, Bukola, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to take solace in the fact that your situation isn’t all that unusual in the agonizing annals of love. The desire for harmony and security is a survival instinct often pitted in direct conflict with the very potent and primal drive to mate in the heat of the moment. Not for no reason is our history, poetry, art and literature filled with accounts of those married for comfort or social obligation who found themselves cast adrift, in turmoil and rapture, howling for the love of another and willing to do anything to get it. Many such cases have ended more than a bit tragically, and we must always remember before entering that sort of drama, that within it lies an element of dire risk. After all, a price must always be paid for ecstasy unleashed. You are by no means alone in your pain and understanding that, now you must proceed with maturity.
Be clear and be honest. This boyfriend you make love to is an addiction. The biochemical responses of such a passion are beyond what most could hope to control with a conscious act of Will. Instead they play little games with themselves, trying to justify what they do. Please don’t be so foolish. You’re doing what you’re doing, because it feels good and because it’s what you want to do. You like being very sexy, and your lover makes you feel taken, ravished and owned. You’re not the first to choose this path and you will by no means be the last… I will certainly not cast judgment upon you. Nor, however can I give you hope. Proceed with caution if you wish, but be prepared to be ravaged by sorrow. You cannot leave your husband and have this other man for yourself. Your lover would never have you as a wife. He already has a wife, and he doesn’t desire another. What he wants is for you to remain in shadow, for it’s in shadow that your love abounds. He’s not a fool. Your marriage is the best thing to happen as far as he’s concerned, because it gives you both the appearance of social acceptability as well as the benefits of domestic tranquility and bountiful partnerships. Expect nothing more from this situation, but take every feeling, sensation, climax, pain, tears and cries of joy to your very heart. This affair is not meant for forever, and you would be wise not to try and make it be so. It might be gone tomorrow. So if you choose it… choose it without regret–without remorse. And keep to yourself the things that belong only to yourself.
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