I was married for 21 years and suffered a divorce. I put my personal self on the back burner to be a stay at home mother for my two boys and help a husband gain a law career. He left me for his law clerk and I am now out in the work force at the age of 47. I am trying to keep my head above quicksand and endure all the changes that have come my way the past two years, but I’m feeling at my wits end with everything that has come my way! This year I am recovering from the death of my mother and a son who has left for college, as well as a very demanding ex-husband. I feel lost and abandoned and don’t know why I have had to suffer so many changes at once! I don’t know where I am supposed to go. My ex controls me with the finances. I need help clarifying if I should stay in my home and finish raising my 15 year old boy or find another place to live? I just can’t make any decisions because I am so distraught. Please help me!
– Cenza in Colusa
I’m so sorry that things have been so rough for you. And I hate to confirm that more difficulty lies ahead.
It is almost unbearably cruel the way the Universe will at times strip our worlds and lives basically to the point of ground zero. It is a difficult time, but fortunately, it is only a transitional time. When the dust settles, and it always does, we are blessed with essentially new lives.
Two things are blazing around you. The first, and I know this is going to be hard, is you do need to find another place to live. I know that you really don’t want to, and that it will be tough, but the truth is – you can make any place a home for you and your son. It’s not about the building in which you live, but about how you are living.
The second thing, which is even more challenging that the first, is you need a lawyer. I know you really can’t afford it, but you also really can’t afford not to. There are other issues in play besides the financial support from your ex-husband. If I were you, I would start with legal aid to see what is available to assist you.
I know you are tired. I feel it. But now is the time to pull on the strength that you never knew you had, and for the first time, gain control over your life. It’s not going to be easy, but it is going to be rewarding in the end.
You aren’t sinking in quicksand, even though it may feel that way. You are treading water, though. It is now time to turn around, keep your eye on the shore, and swim! Solid ground is closer than you think.
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