Red Responds: He Will Come Back When He’s Done

Dear Red,

I have recently been dumped by this guy I thought was “the one.” The thing is, he says he still loves me and that he wants to be with me but he just has some things to take care of. He says when he is done he will come back to me. He wants me to wait for him, but now I have an offer to move with my friends out of Ontario! My question is this: is he worth waiting for or should I go? If I go, will I be missing out on a potentual true love?

Tonya in Toronto

Dear Tonya,

Let me start off by saying that I can’t make up your mind for you, but I can give you a little insight into the situation.

I’ve been dying to use this line, a “Red-ism” if you will, way back from my high school days: “Just because he’s the one doesn’t mean he’s the only one!” Sorry, I just had to plant that little seed in your mind, as well as in the minds of a few others. The opening was there…

Your ex does still love you and does want to be with you… in time. It seems as if the guy has a lot on his plate that he needs to take care of, and feels that now is not the right time for him to be involved in a relationship. Unfortunately, while he had the foresight to ask you to wait for him to get everything together, I noticed that he did not put any additional pressure on himself by telling you how long he expects you to hang out and hang on.

You have the zany, high-wattage energy about you (compliment) that is very disagreeable with indefinite limbo-land. So, while I do see that you want him back and are not madly searching for the man-replacement, there is no way I can tell you to sit by and just “wait.” Some people tend to lazily drift through life, while others run out there and live in constant motion. You seem to be the latter.

Taking the man out of the equation, a location change seems to be an awesome consideration for you. It offers a little challenge, a little excitement, and a whole lot of laughter with your friends. You’d make it and be fine! Now, putting the man back in the equation, relocation or not — you will still have contact with him. He will know where to find you, near or far, when he has taken care of his issues and feels that the timing is better for the relationship. He’s not going to let go completely, regardless of where you are.

The bottom line is, you need to be true to yourself. Your guy made his choices and choses to put his needs and his ease of comfort first. Just because you love him enough to be supportive of his choices doesn’t mean that you need to live your life as a consequence of his choices. Waiting for someone you love doesn’t have to be a conscious act of stillness; unless you choose it to be.

So, will you be missing out on a potential true love? No. Love, when it is true, isn’t confined by geographical boundaries. It follows you and nurtures you wherever you are.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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