Red Responds: A Maid Instead of a Girlfriend

Lost and Confused writes:

I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m in a relationship where I feel like a maid instead of a girlfriend. My kids are grown and moved and with their jobs they are not home much so moving closer to them is not an option I see. My family lives here but I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m 44 years old and don’t have a place in my own life. Do you see anything in my future showing me content and less confused? I just want to feel that I’m in the right place.

Dear Lost,

You have spent much of your life taking care of things and living up to the expectations of others. Now that you aren’t quite so “needed,” you aren’t feeling very “wanted.” Much of your confusion comes from not quite knowing what to do with yourself.

Even though your current relationship isn’t meeting your needs or expectations, you are afraid of leaving it behind. It does offer you a certain level of security and purpose, but isn’t offering you much in the ways of encouragement or growth. If you are tired of feeling like a maid, quit cleaning up! Talk with your partner about how you are feeling, and see if you can get back in touch with any of the depth the relationship once had.

It is very hard to say exactly where your contentment will be found, because you really aren’t sure what you want out of life, you just know you want more than what you currently have. Take some time to re-discover yourself. Think about what happiness means to you, in terms that don’t revolve around responsibility. You have a slightly co-dependent nature, and that often keeps you from allowing yourself to explore things that would be more beneficial to you as a being. You are too afraid of upsetting the routine, and now are feeling bound by it.

Your place in life is anywhere you choose to be, but you have to get to the heart of who you are once again. You want to be loved, supported, and establish a true sense of partnership in your personal life. You can have that in your current relationship, but it will take work. You need to learn how to express yourself once again. Going along with the flow may be easier, but it often puts you at the mercy of the current. Make the best of the situation you find yourself in, but also be planning on how to make the future better.

I do see that you will take a couple of classes, initially just to kill time and challenge yourself a bit. It doesn’t really matter why you start, it just matters that you do. With a boost of confidence under your belt, you will once again find your inner strength. It’s the beginning of an evolutionary process that reminds you that you have much to offer in this life, and it’s not restricted to just family and friends. As you begin to feel like you are accomplishing something, your confusion and discontent will fade.

We all have those times when we wonder where we truly fit in. Many times, it is this feeling of questioning unrest that encourages us to make changes in ourselves and in our lives. The more settled we become within ourselves, the easier it is to find our personal niche, a place we truly belong.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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