JItendranath in Bangalore, India, writes:
Hi Red, I really love your columns and eagerly await them every week. I am married for the last 11 years and have an 8 year old son. At times I have this dream that appears on and off wherein I make love to someone other than my wife. The people in it are my wife’s sister, an ex-colleague and a lady named Petunia (8 years older to me and an Indian) with whom I had an affair nine years ago. I also have day dreams/flashes of visions wherein I see myself getting back with Petunia who is a divorcee and lives in Hong Kong. I would like to know what does this mean and why do I feel this way. I would also like to tell you that Petunia does not talk to me anymore but has accepted my connection on her Facebook page. Eagerly await your response.
Whether it is conscious or subconscious, our minds have a way of pointing out areas in life where we aren’t completely fulfilled. Dreams and visions can have quite an emotional impact, even when we know it’s not our tangible reality. Your dreams aren’t appearing as prophetic, only pointing out a lack of deeper fulfillment.
While you have found a place of acceptance and contentment in your marriage and family life, there is a lack of excitement in your everyday world. You are a little restless, but not entirely discontent. Your dreams and visions of making love to people other than your wife manifest because not only is there a general lack of excitement in your life, but there is also a lack of deeper passion in your marriage and sex life.
Petunia is willing to extend herself to a degree through Facebook, but she will continue to honor your marriage by limiting your access to her. The two of you still have a bond, and you most likely will find yourself fantasizing about being with her from time to time. She knows you in a way your wife doesn’t, and that certainly can have a level of appeal. But, I’m not seeing a reunion for the two of you, nor am I seeing you changing your family or life circumstances. It looks as if things are going to continue on as they have been, and you will continue to have periods where you dream or daydream of being with others, but you will remain physically loyal to your wife and family.