Red Responds: Attracting Them, But Not Keeping Them

Dawn from Cookeville, writes:

I’ve been doing the online dating thing for years with no success and find I run into the same problem over and over, I seem have no problem attracting them but [not] keeping them. [I] am confused as to what exactly the problem is! Am I just picking men who are too emotionally immature or do I come on too strong at times?

One situation I’m most confused about is a guy named Mike I met online about a month ago and lives a few hours away. We went on one date and instantly connected as if we knew each other for years and had such a great time we didn’t want it to end but decided to hold off on getting physical right away and made plans to go out the next weekend. After a few days of no communication, I tried a few times to contact him with no reply and texted and asked if something was wrong, he replied rather bluntly that he thinks we live too far and not to contact him again!

His reaction totally took me off guard and hurt my feelings, especially when just a few days before he told me that I was an amazing person and how attracted he was to me and how our date was one of the best first dates he ever had! So why would he react this way as if mad about something? I really liked him too but have been reluctant to contact him anymore and talk about it so as not to push him away further! Please help me understand his actions and what I can do, if anything, to bring us closer together like before? Thanks so much for your help.

Confused in Tenn.

Dear Confused in Tenn.,

Dating is hard, especially when you are looking for a stronger connection. It really is a numbers game. Many people hide behind the safety of the computer screen. They can say what they think you want to hear, and be who they think you want them to be. While it still is a connection, when it comes to the face-to-face interactions, things don’t always gel.

It doesn’t look as if you are doing anything wrong, or coming on too strong. You are just honest, and have a pretty good idea what you are looking for in a person and potential relationship. You just haven’t met the right guy yet. When you do, he won’t run anywhere, except closer to you. So don’t give up or necessarily change what you’re doing, because it is computer connection or online dating that ultimately brings you to your mate.

This guy Mike really did feel a connection with you, and all of the positive things he had to say were true. But, he was intimidated by what he saw as a distance issue issue, and really doesn’t want to work that hard in order to establish a relationship. Some people find it much easier to hide from something good, than put forth the effort and risk it going bad.

It’s good that you’ve respected his wishes to be left alone, because your efforts wouldn’t necessarily bear fruit. To complicate things further, there is currently another woman around him. Sadly, I’m not seeing a way for you to change the circumstances. He’d rather be off doing his own thing. Even though he thinks you’re great, he really isn’t inclined to reconnect with you. I’m very sorry.


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