Cheryl in Bridgewater writes:
It is a year now that I have separated from my husband of 20 years. After all of his abuse and infidelity, he is not accepting of the fact that this is over and I want to move on for myself and our two boys. Please guide me on how you see this working out. Will I find a new and financially secure job to manage my new life? Will he ever let go and allow us to heal and move on? Will I be able to find and create a new love and life for myself and our boys that will bring happiness and peace back into our lives? I am exhausted with the stress and strain of dealing with him in limbo-land. I want to move forward!
Some people have a hard time letting go. Your ex is one of those people. He is used to being in control, so the idea of letting go is almost foreign to him. While this may make things a bit more complicated for you, he can only hold you as still as you let him.
I don’t see things getting cruel or ugly, but you do need to stress that there are clearly outlined boundaries that separate your life from his control. The less interaction you have with him, the better off you will be. You have to make your plans, lay your groundwork and stick to your guns. He isn’t going to like it, but he will start to understand that he can’t stop you.
Creating the financial stability you desire for your family is going to be challenging for a while, but you will manage to get by. Starting over is an expensive endeavor, even under the best of circumstances. Unfortunately, I don’t see the level of job you are trying to find coming your way until the end of summer or early fall. Until then, tighten your belt and do what you need to do – even if it means accepting some financial assistance from your ex – because you really can’t put a price on freedom.
It seems like your boys are going to come through all of this just fine. You’re lucky, there. In time, you will find a stable man with whom to share your life, but right now the challenges are more about you gathering your strength to stand on your own. Not only can you do it, but you will do it successfully. There is much happiness that lies ahead of you. Keep taking things a step at a time, and eventually everything is going to click into place.