Red Responds: She Slept With a Married Man

Lyudmila Parkhomchuk writes:

Hi Red,

I’ve slept with a married man named Devin who has a wife and three kids (one adopted). I’m starting to fall for him really hard and I’m afraid I might get hurt. I want to know if he sleeps around with other women other than me and his wife. Does he have sincere feelings for me or am I just a fling? I’m lost and I don’t know whether I should continue sleeping with him. Please help.

Dear Lyudmila,

While I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, hopefully I can give you enough information so that you can decide the best way to proceed.

There is a lot of unhappiness that surrounds Devin, and you aren’t his first affair. As long as things remain uncomplicated between the two of you, he will continue to spend time with you. He enjoys your company and he enjoys the sex, but he isn’t in love with you. Even though he does like you, and even cares about you to a degree, he will pull away from you if he feels things are getting complicated.

Currently, it looks like you are the only woman he is being intimate with, aside from his wife. While he does seem to have a problem with monogamy, he is rather selective about whom he hooks up with. If another woman were to catch his eye, it is likely that he would sleep with her, given the opportunity.

You need to be aware that Devin has absolutely no intentions of divorce at this time. It seems as if he is content to have his wife and children with him, and have a lover on the side.

I know this man fills a void in your life and you really do feel connected to him. Even though you may see the potential that exists between the two of you, you need to accept that this relationship has a lot of boundaries and limitations. Because of your attachments and feelings for him, you really need to think this through. What you have with Devin is all you can have with him, so you need to decide how beneficial this relationship is to you.


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