Red Responds: The Affair Was Supposed to Happen


I have found myself in an awkward position. I am married, and involved in an extra-marital affair with a married man – a man whose wife is a friend of mine. I never intended for this… I married my husband for love, forever… But even before the affair, I was having doubts. Of course now, they are even bigger doubts.

The “other” man and I speak frequently about why and how we think this happened. We both feel that it is very possible that for whatever outcome, it was supposed to happen. The truth is, the feelings that we discuss are incredibly deep and intense. I don’t think that they will ever fade… This is truly something that I had never experienced in this lifetime until now and I believe that it may be rooted in some past life experiences. It is beyond a point of feeling compelled, of feeling lust… There is intense passion, but I don’t think that I could define it as pure lust in any way… At this point, it is much deeper than that sort of a thing.

I know better than to think or expect for either of us to change our current domestic situations, and I think that I am ok with that for now. But am I wrong to think that it may change in some way that neither of us can foresee right now? It that a possibility for us?

– Stephanie in Bothell

Dear Stephanie,

You are not wrong to think that your situation can unfold in a manner other than what you and your lover currently see. Everything changes. That’s just part of the cycle of life and the human experience.

As far as your affair is concerned, it is powerful and there is a great deal of depth and chemistry involved. And yes, this relationship has past life and karma all over it. Unfortunately, in this life, while it may feel as if it is meant to be – there are limitations.

Things seem to feel “right” when you and your lover are together. But you don’t have the opportunity to gain the full experience of each other because of your marital situations.

You are playing with fire, my friend. If you walk into the flame with open arms, you will get burned. Secrets only remain secret for so long. If you keep this up, your husband is very likely to learn the truth. He already feels some unrest. I don’t think you do as well as you think you do in areas of deceit.

At this time, with or without your lover, your marriage looks like it will end without fulfilling the “until death” clause of the ceremony. Saying you have doubts is somewhat of an understatement, being that you feel more like a caged animal than just having some uncertainties. If the relationship with your husband does not change and improve, eventually you will pursue a new life of freedom. All is not lost there, yet. If you choose to, you can change that particular situation for yourself, and alter the course of your marriage.

As for your lover, I see nothing around him that leads me to believe he will end his marriage. That union can actually withstand and overcome an affair. Yours cannot.

If you continue down this road, which you have an option to do, do so with the understanding that in the end you will stand alone. Your marriage will dissolve, your lover will disappear, and your friend — well, you’d best stay far away from her.

Some affairs lead to bliss and others to pain. You’ve experienced the blissful part. No one can take that from you. And right now, no one but you and your lover knows exactly what is going on. If you are looking for a tangible excuse to end your marriage, you found it. If you are wanting to stay married — for better or worse — you need to bring the affair to an end.

Stephanie, you are going to hurt. Any way I look at this, any avenue you choose, there is an element of pain and healing. Right now you have the option of picking your poison. If you choose not to decide, the decision will eventually be made for you.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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