Red Responds: She Vacationed to a Third-World Country to See Him

Dear Red,

A few months back I visited a person I considered a very good friend who happens to live thousands of miles away. When I got there, he treated me like I just popped up uninvited, which of course wasn’t true. He invited me twice before I finally decided to go. It was planned for months and he even asked me to schedule it on dates better for his work schedule, presumably so he would be free to spend more time with me.

Not only didn’t he spend any time with me (not even one day), he told me I made a mistake planning my vacation specifically to visit a friend, like he wasn’t even aware he was the reason I vacationed to a third-world country. He completely turned on me and it was like I didn’t even know this person I was with.

I made the mistake of telling him I had feelings for him stronger than friendship, but that I knew he didn’t feel that way about me and I was okay with us being just friends. Did that make him hate me, or was I really the horrible, miserable person he said I was and that was why he used work as an excuse to stay away from me?

He meant so much to me and he just dumped me so coldly and casually, like I was nothing to him and wasn’t even worth the obligatory consideration and manners you would give to any house guest.

Was I really such an awful person, or was their another reason for his odd behavior? I don’t understand why every sign, even a reputable psychic, pointed to him being the one for me — only to have him reject me so coldly. I am having such a hard time understanding, letting go and moving on. Why did he hate me so much?


Dear Melissa,

Just because your friend behaved badly doesn’t mean you need to get all dramatic and question who you are. If you are really thinking that you are this horrible, miserable person, then you need to get some therapy.

You have a right to be angry, a right to have hurt feelings. You put yourself out there and were totally shot down. It’s never a pleasant position to be in, especially when it happens harshly.

As far as what is/was going on with your friend at the time of your visit – he didn’t know how to handle it. Yes, he did want you to come out, but didn’t expect it to actually happen.

To him you are this big, beautiful, successful female accustomed to certain traditions and behaviors — and a certain level of class — that he cannot complete with. Very scary for a man. As for the cultural aspects, it seems as if he felt you wouldn’t fit in. Rather than deal with his concerns, or you, for that matter, he blew you off and hid.

Here’s the real kicker, Melissa. Why are you so consumed over a rejection from a person who is in many ways (at this moment in time) beneath you? That is what is keeping you from moving on.

He doesn’t hate you. As a matter of fact, he does regret how he handled the situation. Though it is a ways out there, he will eventually apologize for it. He has some issues of his own to work through, and there is a sense of needing some life experiences and maturity before he will be in a place fully ready to handle and explore a meaningful relationship — friendship or romantic. Things suddenly got all too real for him upon seeing you.

Give him time to get to where he needs to be. Take this time to forgive yourself. He’s not out of your life for good. Sometimes the Universal Timeline is much different than what we as humans have in mind for ourselves. Your situation seems to be a perfect example of this. So, while things haven’t come together the way you wanted or expected, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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