Red Responds: Moving On From Her First Love

Hannah in South County writes:

Should I move on? I have been with this guy for over a year and a half. He is my first love and I fell really hard. Even love his annoying habits, they are annoying, but I get over it. He has pretty much told me that he doesn’t feel the same as he used to about me. When I say that I mean he doesn’t have that happy new love feeling anymore.

I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said no. He says he wants to be with me and that he loves me. He says he thinks he will feel the same way about me again someday. Waiting around seems stupid on my end because he may or may not feel that way again. Like I said, I love him with all my heart and I am afraid honestly to move on. Do you think I should or do you think he will figure things out?

Dear Hannah,

You are absolutely correct about your boyfriend not having the “new” love feelings going on, but he is still in love with you. Even though he is dealing with some inner turmoil about his feelings, there is nothing here that says he wants to let you go. Actually, it looks as if you two are relatively happy with each other.

This really isn’t the time for you to be struggling with letting him go or holding on. This is more of an opportunity to kick things up a notch, simply by shaking up the routine. From what I can tell your relationship isn’t necessarily boring, but it is lacking in excitement. The two of you have fallen into a comfort zone, and things are fairly predictable. So, spice it up! Go to different places, do different things, and take time out for just you or you and family or friends.

Your man will figure things out, particularly if you aren’t actively waiting for him to come to a conclusion. Love him for who he is, but also love yourself with a level of freedom and independence. He can think and come to terms with things, regardless of if you are sitting on the couch or out blowing off steam with the girls.

Good luck,
Ext. 9226

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