Red Responds: A Big Ball of Utter Confusion

Anne writes:

My life seems like it’s a big ball of utter confusion and I have no idea what to do or where to turn. My first question is about my living situation. I currently am living with my ex and he is supporting me and my child. I feel like a bird trapped in a pretty cage, while occasionally nice, it’s still a cage.

I want to move but I’m not sure if that’s the right decision or even where to move to though I do have a place in mind. Careerwise I feel that I am not destined to work for anyone else, but I need money desperately, otherwise I’m going to be stuck in the above situation indefinitely. I don’t know if I should find any job available and go, or try to start my own business? Also I met a man that I thought could be the one, he ended things with me abruptly. We’re still in occasional contact but I have no idea if I should give up on this relationship or fight for it? I feel like I’m destined to be alone.

My final concern is my mother, I fear she’s mentally ill or rapidly going that way (her mother is bipolar and now has Alzheimer’s). She hasn’t been able to hold a steady job or home and I am worried I will end up her caretaker. I wouldn’t mind if my life was settled, but as you can see it’s not. Is there anything I can do to help her? I would love any insight you could provide… and don’t pull any punches.

Dear Anne,

Sometimes the hardest thing about making life better for ourselves is simply deciding where to start. The problem with living life in a guilt cage is it can be tolerable, even when it’s not necessarily productive.

You aren’t stuck in your situation, you just haven’t quite come to terms with letting go of what has become your security blanket. Security in life is important – but so is reacquainting yourself with the concept that you are perfectly capable of standing on your own two feet. You can, and you will, do it.

While working for someone else may not be your ideal, I do see that you will have outside employment when you do decide to fly the coop. Starting over is tough, as is starting a business. Unfortunately, you need the stability of a decent paying job to take care of yourself and your child until you have your business plans worked out. It will take a couple of years, three at the most, but you will fulfill your entrepreneurial dream. Right now you have ideas and theories, but being full-blown self-employed is something that is going to have to wait.

You aren’t destined to be alone, but now is not the time for your focus or concerns to be on love. Love will enter your life again, but not until you actually have control over your life. It may not be what you want to hear, but the Universe really wants you to make it on your own. The man you maintain contact with isn’t your answer, but I have nothing that says you can’t touch base with him from time to time. As far as fighting for this relationship, currently there isn’t a whole lot worth fighting for. He isn’t one that you will make a life with, and you will eventually let go. The theory of him is better than the reality, because he is someone you will rather quickly outgrow.

As for your mom, it does seem as if she is in a bit of trouble. Chances are good that you will be her caretaker off and on. If you are really itching to get out of your cage, you may want to consider sharing a place with her for a while. While it won’t be easy to live with her, being that close to your mom would provide her with some balance and you can make sure that she gets the medical and emotional help she needs. While she may be genetically predisposed to some conditions, with the proper medical testing and treatment she can experience much more stability. Things don’t have to get real bad with her for quite some time – but left on her own, the times of stability seem much more random. Sometimes, children have to parent their parents. Living with your mother won’t be a forever deal for you, and it is an option that could help you get on your feet, provide child care and get your business rolling a little faster.

You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, but you need to start living it. If you can, I’d like to encourage you to call in for a reading. You have a lot going on as well as a whole lot of options, and a more in-depth reading could really help you get perspective and get going in the right direction. In the meantime, I hope this helps you, at least a little. While much of this is exactly what you didn’t want to hear, I’d like to leave you knowing that all this turmoil is only temporary. Things are going to change, and even though the path may go against your perfect plan, your future looks a whole lot brighter.

Brightest Blessings!
Ext. 9226

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