Red Responds: He’s Gotten a Little Weird

Rebecca in Phoenix writes:

I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks. Things started out fast and intense even though we both agreed to take it slow. We share a lot of the same values, principles, and philosophies, and we both have agreed we’re a pretty good match. And while we haven’t said to be exclusive, we’ve both mutually stopped seeing the other people we were seeing.

Things have all of a sudden gotten a little weird. He’s pulling back after a weekend away. He attempted to site me as the one who was “blowing up his phone,” even though I had only been responding to him in turn (He’d call, I’d answer. He’d text, I’d text back). But then, he’s been happy to bring me into his world (friends, his local haunts, etc) and happy to enter mine – we’ve even discussed the meeting of family as an eventuality. I’m getting very mixed signals. I haven’t slept with him and don’t intend to for a while (which he is AWARE of!), but I’m wondering if he’s looking for a fling or if he’s serious about wanting to explore a relationship with me.

Dear Rebecca,

This relationship shines of promising potential, even though your man is being a little bit quirky right now. It’s going to take time, and even with a few bumps in the road, things are likely to get serious.

Even though things may feel a little uncertain to you right now, and your boyfriend is acting a little strange, I’m not seeing any doom-and-gloom. Sometimes your guy can get a little moody. You really haven’t done anything wrong, and I can see that you weren’t bombarding him with uninvited texts or calls. On some level, he knows that, too. But, when he gets temperamental, he is the type of person that needs a little space to deal with it. As your relationship progresses, he’ll learn to communicate what is really going on within him, and take the time he needs without picking a fight.

The two of you really are on the same page of being hopeful that this relationship will come together. He is very open to the idea of a committed relationship, but is also very aware that this relationship hasn’t been defined as of yet. So, when he realized that both of you are more or less behaving as if you are a more formal couple, it kind of freaked him out, and he behaved rather poorly.

Just continue to take things slowly. You guys will get past this instance, and as you learn each other more deeply, such episodes will be fewer and further between. Aside from the hissy-fits every now and then, he seems like a pretty decent guy.

Best of luck!

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