Susan in Rolla writes:
I need clarification on an issue. My mother remarried when I was 16 months old to the only man I’ve ever gotten to know as a father. For years I was told her ex was my father. When I was 12, she sat me down and told me her ex was not my birth father, that there was another man in her life during that marriage and that he was my birth father. I think she is mistaken, and have for years. Neither men will do DNA testing, but my gut tells me who he is, if that makes sense. One goes by the name of Tony and the other goes by the name of Ben. Can you tell me what your feeling is on this?
I’m afraid I’m going to be of little help to you in your search for validating your gene pool. Of the two names, you have given me, Tony and Ben, neither one come through as being your biological father.
Your mother has no reason to mislead you, concerning your genetics. She is very sure that she knows who created you. She’s done the math. I know that you feel you need to know where you came from. But, will having that answer bring you peace, or will it cause you more pain?
Since neither man is going to willingly undergo DNA testing, you must settle in your mind the best way to deal with not having evidence of who actually is your biological father. The best advice I can give you is to trust your gut – if that brings you peace regarding the issue.