Red Responds: Is He too Old for Her?

Tolani in Lagos writes:

I am a 19-year-old female Leo and am in a relationship with a 30-year-old Capricorn man. I don’t think I love him, but he keeps telling me he loves me and he intends to marry me soon. I think he may be too old for me. Although I kind of have a soft spot for him when it comes to some things. Please, what do you think about this relationship?

Dear Tolani,

The longer you allow this relationship to continue, the more confusing things will become for you.

If you are thinking that this man is too old for you, then, quite simply, he is. While age differences don’t always matter in relationships, if you have a problem with it, there is a problem. He will always be older than you. While the 11-year gap may be viewed as less significant over time, a 30-year old man with a 19-year-old woman does tend to raise an opinion or two.

What concerns me more than the chronology, is the sense of pressure that surrounds you in this relationship. While I don’t dispute that this man has feelings for you, it does seem as if he tries to manipulate your emotions. Charming as he may be, I don’t believe he is respecting you and your feelings appropriately. It’s like he’s off and running with your future, and not necessarily caring if your plans agree with his own.

Because you see him as a nice guy and have a “soft spot” for him, you are rather vulnerable to him, and his manipulations. Not wanting to hurt him is not a good enough reason for you to stay with him. Even though he is older, it doesn’t mean that he knows what is best for you.

I cringe at the thought of marriage being a topic of conversation between the two of you. You come through as intelligent and very sweet, but also a bit naÔve when it comes to matters of the heart. You just haven’t had that much love and life experience yet.

Lastly, and possibly most importantly, I don’t see you as being in love with him. Even though there are certain benefits to you of being in a relationship with this man, I don’t see you “learning to love him,” either.

While it may be difficult for you to bring this relationship to an end, it will be much easier than spending the next 50 years with an “old” guy whom you don’t love. If you stay with him, you’ll be missing out on experiences and joys that you could have, and should have, had.

Take back your freedom and keep looking for a guy, closer to your age, someone you can love and can build a life with. This is your life, and you have a choice on how, and with whom, you live it.

Good luck to you!
Ext. 9226

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