Red Responds: She Tried to End it So Many Times

Lisa in Scottsdale writes:

I’ve been married to my high school sweetheart for 24 years – we have a good marriage. Of course, we’ve had ups and downs, and during a “down” about seven years ago I started an affair with a married man named Mike. I fell head over heals. Two years into the affair I moved away from Ohio to Arizona. I thought that would end it (I tried to end it many times during that two years). He still calls and we continue to talk on the phone, I haven’t seen him in five years. He says he is truly in love with me and can’t let me go. I don’t know if he’s a player, or he’s telling the truth. We have made plans to meet in Florida in June of 2008 – do you see that actually happening? He says he has a bad marriage… I don’t know if that’s true or not. Sometimes I feel like I’m plan B just in case his wife kicks his butt to the curb. How do you see this eventually playing out?

Thanks for you time and insight.

Dear Lisa,

You and Mike have a definite connection, and this relationship looks like it is going to continue for quite some time, unless you take stronger action to end it. The choice is yours.

Your June rendezvous does look like it will happen, unless you choose to back out. While keeping your distance from Mike may be better for your conscience and your marriage, it looks as if you will throw caution to the wind and go on with your plans. For you, this man is like an addiction.

Mike does actually love you, but I don’t know how much that really matters because I don’t see either one of you leaving your marriages. His marriage isn’t quite as bad as he portrays. Even if it was, he doesn’t have the guts to leave his wife. He will just go on with his life as he has been, and you will do the same.

If you really feel that your marriage is good, then protect it. Mike isn’t your answer or your out. He fills a void and adds fantasy and excitement to your life, but you made your choice when you moved to Arizona.

In a different time and a different place, you and Mike may have chosen to make a life together. In this time and place, the best the two of you can do is sneak around and share some moments.

Good luck to you,
Ext. 9226

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