Red Responds: He Started Getting Weird and Distant

Lailani in Milpitas writes:

I’m in a funk. I actually had a reading with you earlier in the year and I had a blast talking with you. You told me a guy would be coming into my life sometime in July. Well, that actually came true, you nailed every single description about him. Everything was great the first month into it, but then he started getting weird and distant. I feel like I should run for the hills, but a big part of me doesnt want to give up. I know it’s all crazy and I don’t know what’s wrong with me for wanting to keep trying.

It’s also made me a little depressed and I think im starting to become a bit OCD. I seem to have a lot of great friends, but I still feel very alone and my job and money situation doesn’t help much. I guess my question is does any of this get better? Should I just run for the hills and never look back? Should I look elsewhere with the job and relationship situation? I did meet him at work which is kind of hard now. I just feel like I’m not doing anything right and I’m hoping that sometime in the very near future (maybe tomorrow, but I won’t push it!) something good will happen. I would be more than grateful if you could give me some insight.

Dear Lailani,

Girl, you need to take a deep breath. We all go through periods of life when we feel isolated and out of sync. The more we focus on this feeling, the heavier this feeling will become.

Looking at your relationship, the best thing you can do is combine the urge to run for the hills with the side of you that wants to keep working at this relationship. The proverbial ball is in his court. Let him pick it back up and bring it into play.

Your man became overwhelmed. The relationship was coming together too fast for him, and he freaked. It happens. So, give him a little time and space, and stop trying to be the glue that holds everything together. Take this time to enjoy life and your friends, and allow him to come forth once again in pursuit of you. Tell him how you feel, what you want and need, and see what he does with it. He may just surprise you. There are times in life when things must slow down in order to get back on track, and that seems to be the case with your relationship. Just relax knowing that you’ve done your part, and the rest is now up to him.

Whether you realize it or not, most of your friends have similar problems to yours. You aren’t alone, even if feels that way. They just aren’t focusing on their issues quite as deeply as you are yours. Understand that everything changes – some problems get fixed and go away and new problems come in and take their place. That’s just the nature of life. There’s nothing going on in your life right now that isn’t going to get better, it’s just that it’s not going to happen overnight.

Find a counselor to help you unburden and deal with the OCD, so it doesn’t get completely out of control and run your life. You do come through as low-energy and a bit depressed. With a little help, you can have yourself feeling much better and back in the swing of life before the end of the year.

As far as your job goes, this too is only a temporary situation. While you may not be overjoyed at work, your job is stable. Keep your focus on your duties rather than your man, and things will be a bit easier. While I see no reason for you not to start looking for a new job, I’m really not seeing any good opportunities until early next spring. Anything before that time seems like a lateral move – just a change of scenery.

Your financial situation is going to take time to clean up, but you can do it. You need to be mindful of your spending habits, because there are some things you can change to help improve your situation. Other than that, when you do change jobs in the spring, you will be earning more than what you are currently making. This, along with discipline, will straighten out your financial plane.

Take each day as it comes, Lailani. Deal with one issue at a time. Things are changing for you, and as you take steps to deal with things a little differently than you are right now, your inner balance will be restored. Every step you take brings you forward, and that is how change occurs.

Take it easy on yourself. November looks like it is going to be a more peaceful month.

Brightest Blessings!
Ext. 9226

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