Grace in Hialeah, FL writes:
I have known this man and worked for him for six years now. His wife also works with us. We have had good times as friends and have done many things for each other. He and I just recently professed our attraction and love beyond friendship and we are certain that it is the right thing to do. Will we and should we pursue our love and be together one day soon?
If life were solely about the pursuit of happiness, I would be jumping with joy for you. However, happiness sometimes comes with too high of a price.
You and this man have a wonderful and dynamic connection that in another time and place might have been indicative of a very happy ending. Unfortunately, as right as everything feels at this moment, the future for the two of you is not an endless path.
Right now, this relationship is complicated, but still in a beautiful state of emotion. The two of you share very real and powerful feelings and desires for each other. Neither of you can help what you feel, but this relationship is limited because he is a married man.
The deeper this affair of the heart becomes, the more complicated the entire situation will get. In the end I see a tearful parting, because in the end, he is not going to divorce his wife. He will sacrifice his own happiness in order to hold onto the life he has built.
How long and how far you continue down this road is a decision you will have to make. Being the “other woman” is not a position you can endure for eternity, nor should you have to. It is an option, of course, but one that will lose its appeal over time.
Play it smart, Grace. You work with him, and you know his wife. This is a classic recipe for multi-leveled disaster.
There is enough love and respect between you and this man to successfully have some very difficult conversations. Love is always a risk, and a love triangle can be extremely hard to navigate. Talk to him about what his plans are, and wait for proof that he is not only willing but also capable of making the sacrifices necessary for the love you share to grow. Until he shows you by action that he is going to make you a more prominent part of his life and future, it would be wise to live your life with the understanding that not all love stories have a happy ending.
Best of luck to you.