Rosa in Los Angeles writes:
My partner was born on 5/14/77 and we have been together for seven years (I have two girls from a previous relationship). Although we have two kids, we don’t live together. His attitude has changed so much it’s affected me in a way nothing in my life ever has. I fell in love with him because of who he used to be. Let me mention that his mother does not like me and he believes in everything she says. I feel so confused and don’t know what to do. I still love him very much and I believe that he also loves me too. But I get this feeling there is some kind of force that is keeping us from being together. Can you please help or guide me? I love my kids and they are suffering being in this situation. May God bring you more blessings for helping others, and thank you so much in advance.
Your man does seem to get a lot of pressure from his mother, and that has hugely affected his growth and personality. Trust me, he is just as confused as you are. The love between the two of you still exists, but your man is not strong enough to fight for it. He really is quite unsure of what he is supposed to do, or what is expected of him in this life. Eventually, he will figure it out. Until that time, there is great safety for him being obedient to his mother’s will and wishes.
People change and evolve during life on this earth. The man you fell in love with and are holding on to doesn’t exist right now. You need to accept him for who he is as he is in the present. You need to accept this for yourself and your children. This is the only way to help them understand the circumstances of their life and their father.
While I do believe that your guy will eventually come forward and be more of a participant in all of your lives, I don’t see him snapping back into the man you want him to be. You can have your wish of your family all together, but the reality of your relationship will be less than what you are hoping for.
Don’t put your life and your happiness on hold for too much longer. It doesn’t change a thing. Within the next two years you will have to face some tough decisions. So, I would like to encourage you to think about this question now. Do you want your life to be merely a peaceful coexistence with your partner or do you want a lover who will show your kids what being a father is really about?
I hope this helps you.