Kathleen in Camden writes:
For quite some time lately I have been feeling as though my life should be that of a different circumstance. As though myself and my daughter should be living a totally different life, in a different state, in a different home. I have seen myself married to a different man and having another child. I am currently with my daughter’s father and feel as though he is not the one I will grow old with. Another that I love is the one I feel that I could grow old with. So to pose my question: is what I have seen what’s to come for me? Do I grow old and bear a child with someone else or do I continue with what’s present in my life?
You always have a choice. What you have seen is a possible reality, a change of life and circumstance that you can achieve. However, it’s not one that is just going to come to you – you would have to create the circumstances to allow it to evolve.
Fate and destiny often become a topic of discussion in my line of work. But, here’s the thing: while fate and destiny present us with opportunity, guide us, and at times, inflict their presence and power into our lives; it is our own will, our decisions and choices along with fate and destiny, that forge the lives that we live. No one has a rock-solid, preordained, unalterable path. If that were the case, most of us would either be sailing through this life on some euphoric cake-walk, or be permanently and irrevocably screwed.
While your current life isn’t a bad one, it seems to be on auto-pilot. You have a choice to make: Do you help to navigate through this time with your current husband and create a life that is more rewarding and fulfilling to you, or do you bail and go running into the arms of another and start over?
While the fantasy of a different life is filling a void for you, quite frankly, I don’t see you doing anything to create those circumstances any time soon, if at all. There’s a lot of risk to make that huge of a change, and you currently do enjoy a certain level of security even if things are more routine than rewarding.
Looking at your current life, I would strongly suggest that you focus your energy into changing these circumstances. The foundation of this relationship is strong enough to be redefined. You can have the passion and that “alive” feeling once again with your current man, in your current home. However, it’s going to take time and more than a little effort and work.
Each day we are given the opportunity to recreate ourselves, and our lives. With the additional bonus of free will, we also have the opportunity to change our minds…
Best of luck to you.