Red Responds: Keep Hoping for a Future

Dear Red,

My girlfriend broke up with me about four months ago. It was unexpected and she never really told me why. I told her now much I love her and that I really want to marry her but our circumstances were complicated and I thought that we actually couldn’t, so I didn’t bring it up often. We have emailed each other lately, but she failed to tell me that she may be moving for a job right after she graduated. I knew that it was a possibility, but she didn’t tell me until after she moved. We were already in a long distance relationship for half of our relationship (2 of the last 4 1/2 years). I’ve been advised that we have a future and to stay strong because we are meant to be together and will last for a long time when we do reunite. Do you see this or am I wrong to keep hoping for a future with her anytime soon (or at all)? Almost all of the psychics I’ve talked to tell me to be patient. They say we are soul mates or meant to be together.

– Chinua in Chicago

Dear Chinua,

Your girlfriend still has a very deep love for you, but also the need for independence and taking control of her life. It is the latter that caused the breakup, and plays a part in why she is not forthcoming with information about what she is planning for the future.

Long distance relationships are always tough. However, there is a serious lack of communication between the two of you. It has always been there. Sometimes it is what is not said that has a more profound effect than the things that are said. Take this time of separation as an opportunity to build the communication skills. Because the two of you aren’t currently “together”, it does make for the freedom to become completely honest with each other.

While I do see a future for the two of you, I don’t want to encourage you to be too passive in your period of waiting for her to come back to you. If you really want a life with this woman, you have to take the responsibility of making it happen, without pressuring her. Are you willing to make changes in your life to be by her side?

There are obstacles and family issues that need to be addressed surrounding this relationship. You can look at the whole picture and take the position that you can’t have the things you want, primarily her as your wife, or you can accept that it’s going to be a difficult road, that includes consequences, and pave the way.

If you do nothing, the love will remain but the distance and separation will grow.

If you keep contact, support her even when it hurts, and lay the foundation to build a life with her, you will get your wish. But it’s going to take hard work and a bit of a different approach. It will be your words and actions that bring her back to you.

As for a time frame, you and what you choose to do (or not do) has great impact, so that is a really tough one for me to call – too many variables. But any way I look at it, I am seeing the two of you together in the future.

So stay strong and make plans to create the opportunity to have the life (and wife) you want.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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