My boyfriend and I have been
together for almost 4 years. I am 48 and he is 43, neither of us has been married
before, and we do not live together. We have known each other for seven years.
My question is are we ever going to take the next step and commit to each
other on a deeper level? We do love each other and we do have sex but the
passion is not there sexually. He is on anti depressants and I think that
contributes to this. We are there for each other in other ways. I’m confused.
Can you help?
Thank you so much,
Cara in San Francisco
Your relationship comes
through as pretty stable as it is. It is comfortable, can be fun, but
ultimately it feels like a nice, safe routine.
With the passing of time,
the two of you most likely will commit on a deeper level. Please understand that this will come about
mainly from you passively directing it to that place. Your boyfriend is quite
content with things as they are, are really doesn’t see a need for anything to
change. It’s going to take time, but marriage is possible in about two years,
if you choose it.
While the two of you do love
each other, it’s a calm, sedate love. Definitely a strong enough foundation to
bring each of you through the rest of your days, but it does feel a bit like
each of you is settling for the security and stability.
While your boyfriend’s
medication does play a part in affecting his libido, he is not one of the most
passionate people on the planet, period. You need to be aware of this if you
are planning to spend your life with the man, because it is an aspect of the
relationship that can be improved, but will always seem to be a little lacking
from your perspective.
Living together or marriage
isn’t going to change the nature of your relationship; it will only define or
reclassify it. Basically, you’ll have what you have now, only under the same
roof with a piece of paper and a ring.
Search you heart, Cara. Is
this going to be enough for you? If the answer is yes, then the two of you will
have a long and happy life together.