Red Responds: Always Unlucky in Love

Dear Red:

I have always been unlucky in love. I have had missed opportunities that I find out about after the fact. I have had numerous love interests move half way across the country due to work or school just as we begin to fall for each other, but not at a point where a long distance relationship is feasible. And this last “relationship” was an absolute train wreck. I was on an emotionally abusive roller coaster where this man would pull me in and push me away on a daily basis. He lied to me constantly and ultimately got married behind my back and lied to me about that too. Am I ever going to find love?

– Sleepless but not in Seattle

Dear Sleepless,

Nothing would make me happier than sit here and say Mr. Wonderful was right around the corner and waiting for you. Sadly, Mr. Right is a ways down the path for you, but what you do have coming is another Mr. Right Now.

It is hard being alone, and some people, yourself included, seem to go through large chunks of life being shielded from balanced and loving relationships. It’s hard to live in a world where it seems everyone else has someone. It can be very depressing, and I’m feeling yours.

Your search for love is being overshadowed by your search for a relationship. There is a very big difference between the two, one which most of us fail to see until we’ve had the experiences that enlighten us. In the search for love, sometimes we allow ourselves to be oblivious to all the little signs and signals that clue us in to the fact that we may be settling for, or involving ourselves in, a relationship that is less than what we deserve. We forge ahead, inviting loss, betrayal, and pain; all for the sake of not being lonely. Each failed relationship adds to our emotional baggage and feeds the negative and the loneliness.

When we are looking for love it tends to be elusive because we are not projecting love. This is the space in which you currently reside. You are projecting a sense of loneliness and need that makes you prey to attracting people to you who will take advantage of this. Hence, Mr. Right Now. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you try and convince yourself that he is Mr. Right.

There is so much truth in the old cliché that love comes when you least expect it. Missed opportunities were missed for a reason. Failed relationships weren’t supposed to be anyways. They served their purpose, and it’s now time to keep the lessons and let the rest go.

You will meet someone who will sweep you off your feet this fall. But, heed my words, this is not the man you are going to make your life with. Eventually there will be a parting of ways. You will be the one to move on, and in a different direction. I believe it is a career opportunity that will cause you to relocate. Go!!!!

In the new environment, you blossom personally and professionally. Life will be good, and you will be content and happy, albeit alone. But, you’re okay with this. That’s when love will find you.

As unlucky as you feel now, you are actually blessed. Unlike so many of us, you will have a great love who is your friend, partner, and lover. Your marriage will last, filled with much more joy than sorrow.

I know you want it now, but I’m seeing 2010. I know four years can seem like a very long time as you read this, but in the grand scheme of things it’s not much more than a moment.

Hang in there! Not everyone gets a happy ending. Fortunately, you will.

Best of luck!

Brightest Blessings,

Ext. 9224

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