In the past 3 years I have gone through a divorce, the company I worked for closed down their office here and relocated it, I almost lost my mother – who is my best friend – to health issues we were unaware of, and I have been in a relationship which seems to be going nowhere.
I love the holiday season… but this was the 2nd one that I spent alone. I feel as if being alone is my destiny in life. Will my life turn around and will I find happiness not only in my love life but with my career? Will the financial stability I once felt return?
I know god only puts on our plates what we can handle, but I would love to just sample the wine/cheese bar instead of the full 8 course meal.
Single mom from Scottsdale
Dear Single Mom,
If you know that god only put on your plate what you can handle, then you need to trust that you’ll have wine, cheese, main course, and dessert!
It is true that for you the next couple of years seem to present with challenges; but a lot of that has to do simply with your point of view. When life blows up on us, it is a natural reaction to focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have. While I don’t deny that you are going to have to face some challenges over the next couple of years, I see things a little differently at the moment than you do.
You became free of a relationship that no longer served you. It’s a huge change, but not necessarily a bad one.
You almost lost your mother. Key word here is “almost”. Death finds us all, eventually. Sometimes it is only through acknowledging death’s existence do we, or the person it has nearly claimed, learn more about how to live.
Your current relationship seems to be lacking on the passion side things, but otherwise has a sense of stability about it. While this may not be a quickly progressive relationship, it can continue to progress, if you want to stick it out and play it safe. So you have that choice.
Ultimately, your true love will be found with a man you have not yet met. Unfortunately, your love life is going to remain in a secondary position for a while yet. Romantic fulfillment is out there for you, but right now it would be best for you to focus your energy on other areas of your life.
Okay, the whole career thing – having the office move is just plain corporate-based bad luck. In this day and age, job security, and for the majority of everyday people, financial security, are just an illusion. People in general (and you in particular), are resilient. What this means is you can not only recover from this dose of “bad luck”, but you can exceed your own original expectations.
The security and stability you once had has been removed, yes; but you have the power to recreate it. Your career happiness is lagging because, quite honestly, you are coming through as selling yourself short and rather comfortable in a place of complacency. Change that, reach a little higher, and the feeling of accomplishment will set in along with its monetary accompaniment.
Hang in there. While you may feel that your life is currently at a low, this didn’t happen overnight. Likewise, it is going to take some time to climb this hill and get back on top. Don’t forget to enjoy the scenery; and be thankful that it is only a hill and not a mountain.