I have been writing to you almost every month. I really hope that you will take time to give me some insight and guidance on my question.
I am never lucky in love, Red. I am seldom attracted seriously to anybody. Often my feelings toward men are temporary… they do not even last a year.
But 3 years ago, I met Raj. He was a colleague who worked in the same department as I did. I fell deeply for him, even though I knew from day one that he was married.
He’d never shown any romantic intention towards me. We just spent so much time talking. Most of the time, he probed into my personal thoughts and feelings on things. He was also helpful in solving work problems.
Three months ago he quit his job and moved to another office. We haven’t seen each other since. He did call me to check in on how things were going. Still now, I still have deep feelings for him. Many times my mind is occupied with him only. I miss him a lot.
Then recently there is another guy, DN, whom I suddenly find very attractive. I am confused, I am not sure anymore of where my feelings stand.
Neither man seems to have any romantic interest towards me. Am I chasing the wild goose, Red? Am I not destined to find true love in this life? Please Red. Help me out. I need some answers badly.
Thanks a lot.
I’m very sorry if you’ve felt slighted that your submissions have not made it to my desk until now; but there are hundreds – possibly thousands – of other people who have written in and feel the same way. In a sense, it’s like the lottery. Because of this, if you really need answers, the best approach is to create your own luck and call in or schedule an appointment.
Love can be very elusive. Particularly when we hope to find it with people who aren’t truly meant for us, which is the case with your past relationships. In no way should you look at your history as failure. It takes a strong person who knows how to be true to themselves to resist settling for a relationship that is less than ideal. Attraction and passion often fade between people. Just because a relationship starts out dynamic does not guarantee that it will be cemented by love.
As for Raj, it would be best for you to move away from any fantasy of romance with him. He is, and will continue to be, true to his wife and his vows. It does not matter what he may or may not have felt for you, his moral foundation is strong and solid, and that is enough to keep him on his current path. Cherish the friendship and the fact that he cares for and about you, but with the understanding that it can never be any more than what it has already been.
Looking at your relationship with DN, there is an undercurrent of mild attraction between the two of you. The friendship is going to continue and grow, and you may even go out a time or two with more romantic intentions. However, you need to be careful and guard the friendship. The friendship shows endurance, but anything more will be fleeting. He is not one who has come into your life to be a long-term lover or relationship.
You may be chasing the wrong geese right now, but that does not mean that you will never catch one. It seems that you have a few possibilities that will evolve into letdowns on the romantic plane before you find what you are looking for. So, while you are not destined to a life without love, it does look like love does not have a firm hold on you until later in life.
While this may not be what you wanted to hear, I hope that in some way it helps.