This is my second letter to you. I apologize for being so impatient that I have to write again. I don’t understand what is going on with me right now. I tried talking to friends and family but nobody seems to understand. I don’t understand why my break-up with my ex-boyfriend, which was a month ago, had so much impact on my life. When we broke-up, he said hurtful words to me and I did the same thing to him. We never had a perfect relationship and to be out of his life, I thought it was a relief. It was such a short-lived romance that lasted for only 6 months. But like I said, I don’t understand why the break-up has affected me so much that I feel so much pain. I’ve become miserable.
There have been times when he would come to mind and I would start shaking, my hands will be cold and I would be gasping for breath. I would feel the urge to call him and talk to him. I tried so hard to control myself every time it happened because he hates me so much that he won’t even talk to me. People think that I need to see a psychiatrist to get help. Do you think I have really gone crazy? I’ve been hurt many, many times before but this is the only time I felt this way. Please enlighten me Red. I am begging you for help…
CM of Los Angeles
Let me start with the legal disclaimer of: I am not a physician or licensed medical practitioner, therefore I cannot diagnose what is going on with you. Having said that, I can say that you are not crazy. You are confused and overwhelmed, but not crazy.
It feels like you are having anxiety attacks. Truthfully, the best person to help you with this is a psychiatrist or psychologist. Release the stigma, my friend. There are only a minute number of people who see a therapist that actually fall under the concept of “crazy”, which is a harsh way to describe being unfortunate enough to have a condition that can usually be attributed to some physical chemical anomaly.
The anxiety you are feeling when you have thoughts of your ex and your relationship is your body trying to tell you that you are not processing you emotions in a healthy manner. This last relationship triggered all of the “baggage” from your previous relationships, and your own low concepts of yourself. There’s a lot of hurt and pain in you that you don’t understand, and because of that, have not been able to release.
Years of masking pain, hurts, and not understanding why people hurt us or why we allow ourselves to be hurt eventually catches up with us. Not just you, each and every one of us. Your body, and your spirit, are telling you that now is the time to work through some issues and gain the necessary understanding, so that you can move forward instead of just suppressing these feelings. Not allowing ourselves to feel something is very different from moving on. But we all do it. It’s part of the human process.
You have people who care about you. That’s a blessing of support that not everyone has. Use it. Yes, it may initially be awkward for you to enroll in therapy, but the benefits are priceless. Your existing relationships will improve, even though there will be some bumps in the road. Your future relationships will benefit, because you will be able to handle them, rather than being at their mercy. And, until you understand the past patterns of your romantic relationships, you will continue to repeat them. Save yourself a lot of heartache and torment. Find a good therapist to help you work through this. It’s a lot less painless than what you are dealing with now.
In the grand scheme of things, talking to a therapist isn’t that much different than talking to a psychic. We just use different tools and methodologies. The biggest difference is a psychic can see the outcome and tell you what it is, while therapy is more instrumental in helping you see the process of how the outcome comes to be.
There is no shame in asking for help. There is only the responsibility of accepting it.
Take care of you.