Red Responds: Waiting is Excruciating and Lonely

Dear Red,

I met my boyfriend in 1/04. It wasn’t long before we realized we were in love. It felt as if we were brought together. For a little background: in May of 2002 my husband died in a car accident leaving me with 2 young children (3 and 5). I believe that my husband brought us (me and my boyfriend) together, and have been told by 2 psychics that this is true. My children fell head over heels for my boyfriend. He’s a wonderful man. In July, only 6 months after we met, he was deployed to Afghanistan for over a year. I told him I would wait. And I did. Before he returned, he decided to take a Special Forces Medical “course.” He did this with out communicating with me first, so I felt stuck with the decision. We live in separate states. His unit was redeploying in 6 months so I felt it was better to have him in the states than over there. Well, that was just over a year ago and we’ve seen each other for 5 days. Communication is by phone only and this course has him exhausted so our conversations are superficial. I understand that, but I’m extremely frustrated.

I knew waiting would be difficult, but I didn’t expect it to be so excrutiating and LONELY. I’ve been questioning my decision to wait. I feel so ready to just give up! But I’ve waited for so long now that I want to “reap the rewards” of the wait. It will be another 3 1/2 – 4 months before he’s home. I MIGHT see him for Christmas, if his schedule and the army allow. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me. And I love him, but the army is his career, and I’ll never be first in his life as long as it is. I want this relationship to work! At the same time, I don’t want to be alone anymore. I still feel he’s the one for me… What do I do?

Christine in Manchester

Dear Christine,

Things are looking pretty good for a Christmas reunion! I know the time won’t nearly be enough, but at least you will be reminded what you’ve been holding on to and waiting for.

Ultimately, this decision is yours to make. What I can tell you is that you were brought together for a reason, and this man gave you everything that you needed, when you needed it.

Certain professions are hard to deal with in relationships. Military, police, doctors, firefighters… basically the ones who put the needs of others before their own. While your man may be at the mercy of the dictation of his career, it does not mean that he doesn’t put you first. In his heart, he does.

Great love sometimes requires great sacrifice. Waiting isn’t the only sacrifice you will have to offer for the sake of this relationship. If you choose to continue waiting, he will marry you. At that time, you will have to sacrifice the life you know for a different one, in a different place.

As a side note, your husband still watches over you. So, if you continue to feel uncertain about making a decision, ask him, and pay attention to your dreams.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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