Red Responds: It’s Been 4 Years of Him Saying No

Dear Red,

I always read your column right away when it appears in my email box — you are so perceptive and right on. I hope you will help me.

I’m wondering if I have a mental problem, because I constantly think about a man who says he has no interest in me, and I don’t seem to be able to stop thinking about him — loving him. Any reasonable person would give up after four years of him saying “no,” but I can’t seem to let go. Every time I start to make some headway in getting him out of my head, I have a dream about him that makes me feel like he wants me to wait — that there’s still a chance — and that gets me thinking about him again.

I’m 47 and he’s 57, so it’s not like either one of us has all the time in the world left. He’s divorced after 25 years of marriage — a long time. He says he wants to be alone the rest of his life. I don’t really believe that, though. I think he’s kidding himself — that he’s just afraid. Then again, it’s entirely possible that he just isn’t attracted to ME. After all, I didn’t really get a chance to show him my best in the short time (nine days) we were around each other.

We met at a seminar in Colorado four years ago, and I haven’t seen him since then. I wrote to him several times, and he wrote back — polite letters saying he’s flattered but not interested — four letters. Then he said enough is enough and that he didn’t have time to write to me anymore. I wrote to him again anyway, several more times, against my better judgment — I couldn’t help it. The last time was over a year ago. He didn’t respond to my last three letters.

I understand now that I came on way too strong. I was just bowled over by my feelings for him, and I threw caution to the wind. I must have seemed desperate, to be throwing myself at him like that. I’m still hoping to get back to the seminar next year and see him, but without chasing after him — letting him come to me if he’s going to, or if not then let it go. Finally.

It feels to me like he is my soulmate, but of course if that were true then he’d show interest in me, too — wouldn’t he? …Is this just some mental problem that I have, or is there really a chance with him and me?


Dear Teri,

I can really respect a woman who prefaces a question with: “I’m wondering if I have a mental problem…” Although I did choke on my tea while reading that line, I did not see any men in white coats or padded walls around you. To be diagnosed with a mental problem, you’d need to see your doctor. However, as your psychic, (which you may not want to tell your doctor about) I’m getting some flaming past-life connection between you and the object of your obsession.

Let me start out by breaking what seems to be a cardinal rule by revealing to you, and everyone else, a truth about soul mates: We don’t always meet ours, and sometimes, even if we do meet them; we don’t always get to be with them.

The man in question isn’t coming through as your soul mate. He presents as a love from a past life that was taken away far too soon. We carry with us memories from life to life, and all the passion, love, and desire you felt for him in another incarnation came surging up to the surface when you met him in this one. Because you previously lost him rather quickly, that sorrow and unfilled life of the past has surfaced as this lasting obsession with him in this life.

There is a bond, a tie if you will, between the two of you. Because of that and your past memories being closer to the surface, you went full-speed ahead to try and complete the journey with him in this life that you should have had in a previous life. Because of this, and because he is not as sensitive or spiritually evolved as you are, you did scare him away. What you really need to understand, above all, is that unless and until he evolves to your level in this life, it’s not going to work.

The best thing you can do for yourself is surrender this one to the Universe. Your efforts aren’t enough to bring the two of you together. This one requires greater powers, for he needs to see and feel the connection that you do before things can progress. In order for that to happen, he needs time to evolve.

He does periodically think about you, though. He wonders what became of the woman who chased him. He has gone about his life, but even now, isn’t thinking in terms of marriage or settling down. That will come later for him; I’m seeing roughly two years.

Chances are very good that you will see him again, most likely at the seminar. I do see a level or reconnection for the two of you, but not yet at the depth in which you are hoping for. Any way I look at this, there is going to be a significant level of challenge in developing this relationship in a romantic sense. That does not mean it’s not possible; it just means that it’s not going to come together easily. Because he seems a wee bit reluctant in following his own spiritual growth-path, and he does have a significant stubborn gene, can’t say at this moment in time that he is the man you will end up with.

I see you marrying or being in a marriage-type situation in five years. What I can’t say for certain is that it is with this guy. Too much of this situation has the variable of his free-will over a span of time. He will reappear in your life, and it is at that time we need to look and see how things will unfold. However, when you do see him again, I fear that the memory and the fantasy are going to overshadow the reality a bit.

I can only hope that since you now have a better understanding of what it is between the two of you, things will be a bit easier on you. There’s just too much gray area, because he missed the initial opportunity. Only time will tell how this one ends. Because of that, I am going to encourage you to move on. The worst thing that can happen is that he’ll have to chase you!

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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