Red Responds: Things Got Out of Hand

Dear Red:

In December of ’04, I met John. We never intended our relationship to become anything more than a friendship, but it seems that it got out of hand for both of us. Now, a year since we stopped seeing each other, I’m still having a very difficult time moving on. We’ve talked a lot on the phone, and we want to stay friends, but this has been so hard for me. He is still stuck on an old girlfriend, and doesn’t want a relationship. I’m trying to be positive, and figure out what I am supposed to learn from this experience, but I’m not having much luck. How do I get past this, and feel like I have something to look forward to in life again?

Please help.

– Stuck in the Past

Dear Stuck,

“Out of hand” is a very light way to describe your history with John. Wow! I’m sweating!

Kudos to you for your decision to try keeping things positive. You really aren’t “stuck in the past”, just a little cloudy on how to proceed with the future. There is a difference.

I understand that you would like to hold on to a remnant of the relationship in the guise of friendship. While you don’t have to burn any bridges with John, you do need to step back and allow yourself to heal.

Sometimes the most difficult lessons are also the ones that are so simplistic we think we’ve missed the point. John came into your life to give you a lift. He gave you a boost of strength and self-esteem. These are gifts that you need to call on now to break away from him, and to understand within yourself that you do not have to settle for (or put up with) people and situations that no longer enhance you and your life.

If you really need something to look forward to, go to sleep tonight knowing that tomorrow morning brings with it the opportunity to become who you want to be – the woman who knows she is not only deserving of happiness and respect, but also strong enough to make that knowledge a reality.

It’s time to take care of you.

Brightest blessings,


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