Enough is Enough
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Dear Psychic Reed,
I have a cheating husband. He’s 13 years old than me and I am his fourth wife. We’ve been together for 17 years and married for nine. I wasn’t sure he was cheating until the last six months before I left him. At that time, I realized he was more than friends with a woman from college. She only lived two miles away from us! Then there was the wife of one of the couples we would travel with. We went out together every weekend and he had been friends with the husband for 30 years. He was also seeing another friend’s wife while her husband was out of town. My husband has no regard for other people’s feelings. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone who loves him or a long-time friend, he causes all this hurt and the only way to hurt him is through his pocketbook.
Before I left him, my husband started drinking heavily. He was physically and verbally abusive to me. My family said they couldn’t stand to watch it! They said he took my soul away. He blamed his three previous divorces on his ex-wives, but I think we know who was really at fault. Of course, we’re going through a nasty divorce now and he says I deserve nothing. He promised to ruin me financially so I won’t be able to pay my lawyer.
I’m worried that I won’t be able to break ties with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. I’m worried that I’ll never be able to meet someone else, travel or have control of my life again. This is a nightmare! I loved him more than any woman ever has and our marriage lasted the longest of his four marriages. What do you see for me, Reed?
Psychic Reed ext. 5105 responds:
From the opening line, “I have a cheating husband,” I could feel the pain and shock you’ve endured with this man. You are in need of much healing now, which will come with time and the help of your supportive family. You are right to divorce him and you will break all ties with him in the future and completely clear his energy from your life.
Your cheating husband is unable to exercise self-control, unable to observe the most basic social boundaries, and of course, he will resort to cruelty and harsh words while you complete the divorce. When he does, don’t listen to him. The one thing you can count on is that he will try again and again to deceive you, so don’t believe anything he tells you. He can cost you some money, but he can’t ruin you. He can betray and cause pain, but not forever. And, he can tell you what you do and don’t deserve, but he can’t make it true. This man is a big bag of lies.
You will have control of your life again. You are already taking control—you left him and you are divorcing him. These are some of the hardest steps in taking control of your life and you’re already doing them. A 17-year era has ended and it’s okay to grieve that. Allowing yourself to grieve is a form of self-respect, so give yourself time. When you are ready, you’ll take those next steps in building a life of your own.
In 2018 you’ll want to focus your healing efforts on your self-worth. Don’t let “I had a cheating husband” become your life story or a definition of you. You have too many unique characteristics of your own to let the rotten actions of another become the focus of your identity. You also don’t want the damage he has done to bleed over into your next relationship, so make sure you dump any remaining self-doubt while you are dumping him.
There is never anything to be ashamed of when we extend love or trust to another—even if it is betrayed. We may be hurt, devastated even to the core, but do not be ashamed or allow it to cause you to question yourself. If there is to be shame and the questioning of character, let it be with the one who betrayed the trust and do not judge yourself for having loved or trusted. Loving and trusting are acts of bravery.
You will heal from this nightmare. You will take what you have learned here and find yourself with a healthy, emotionally stable man with whom you will share your future. He travels regularly and will have many places he will want to take you. You will meet for the first time at an outdoor market and about a year later he will propose to you during a trip overseas or on a cruise.
There is much life ahead!
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