Does He Still Deserve Her Forgiveness?
I left my husband of 17 years and took our two daughters. I just realized I can’t be with him anymore. He betrayed me because he is a cheater and I have been forgiving multiple affairs—until now. I even forgave him without him asking me for forgiveness! This experience has left me feeling drained and exhausted and I’m so angry with myself for forgiving multiple affairs! I blame myself for tolerating his adulterous deeds and I’m scared that I might forgive him again. Reconciling will hurt me, yet it is still a real fear. Please help me, Psychic Kallista!
Psychic Kallista ext. 9623 responds:
Thank you for reaching out to me. Forgiving multiple affairs would test a saint, and that you were able to do this speaks volumes about how deeply you love.
You must not blame yourself; you have two daughters to think about. These two girls are a major reason why you found yourself forgiving multiple affairs. You hoped against hope that he would change and recommit himself to you and your family, but somewhere deep down you realized that he will never change.
Your husband will say anything to get you back. He believes he can push your buttons and manipulate you into returning to him. If you go back, know that it will be worse than ever, for it will show him that he can get away with committing affair after affair. He knows he will never stop, no matter how much it hurts you. The fury and resentment you feel now would understandably build. This could lead to an explosive confrontation—one you don’t need to experience.
While I cannot advise you legally, my reading shows that it would be most beneficial for you to speak to a lawyer and find out what you need to do to protect yourself and your kids should you decide to divorce your husband. Divorce may seem scary, but trying to go back and endure the unendurable would be far more agonizing and painful for you.
Forgiveness is necessary for your healing, so know that forgiving him is ultimately good for you. However, there is a difference between forgiving multiple affairs and staying with him vs. forgiving multiple affairs so you can move on without him. Don’t go back to him and keep tolerating the intolerable. It took great strength and courage for you to want to walk away from him. You still possess that strength and courage and it will sustain you now.
In walking away from this dishonorable man, you are also setting an example for your girls, showing them that you will not tolerate such hurtful behavior from any man—not even their father. They will remember this and insist on being treated with respect in their future relationships. Please know that you have what it takes to carry on with building a new life for you and your daughters—one that will certainly be happy and fulfilling.
May you be ever blessed,
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