Red Responds: Love and Loss

Giselle in Port of Spain writes:

Hi Red,

I recently lost my fiancé very suddenly. He lives in the UK, I live in the Caribbean. We were soulmates on every level possible. We were online at the time, and he just disappeared with no warning. I asked a friend to check on him when some hours passed and he didn’t return. He was found on the floor as though he was asleep. I have such a hard time getting past this. I feel so guilty that our last words were sort of strained and not loving. I had no clue he was going to go so soon. Please help me. I’ve prayed that he’d come to me in a dream so that I could tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I am for any hurts I gave him. He promised me that if he ever left before me that he’d wait for me with a bunch of flowers in his hand. But I’ve not felt him around me or anything. I fear he’s forgotten me already. I’m dying inside.

Thanks for responding,

Dear Gee,

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Even though your last conversation wasn’t all lovey-dovey, the only reason your exchanges were strained is because the two of you were very much in love. Under the circumstances, because of the logistical considerations, as far as he knows, you were with him during his last conscious moments. The conversation doesn’t matter, what matters was that he was communicating with you.

He knows how much you loved him. Pain is something that we carry in life, but it seems to be replaced by understanding in death. You have no need to worry and nothing to fear. He sees you from a distance, and if he could, he would make your hurts disappear.

Even though your fiancé’s spirit has left his body, he isn’t quite settled in the ever-ever. While he is in a beautiful and peaceful place, he has yet to fully grasp or understand all that has transpired, so he has not yet figured out how to get through to you. But he will. Before the end of the year, he will penetrate your dreams.

As I said, your life will go on. While things aren’t going to happen quickly, you will find another, marry, and live a long and happy life. Your fiancé will be a part of this, because wants you to go on, and he will be an angel by your side.

He has not, nor will he, forget you. Don’t be afraid to live your life to the fullest, because the day will come when he will greet you, flowers in hand. And some day, your future husband will also join you, but by then you will understand.

When a body dies, the love remains, but things are different when we reach spirit form. For most, like your fiancé, possessiveness and jealousy have no meaning in death. The spiritual essence of those we’ve loved tend to watch over us as we finish out our lives. You will not betray your fiancé or the love that you shared, so set your guilt aside and allow yourself to grieve and to heal. Talking to a grief counselor or therapist may help you deal with the feelings and issues that are impacting your everyday life.

Again, I am sorry for your loss. Hopefully, this will bring you a little more clarity, and a little more peace.

Brightest Blessings,


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