It has long been said that we are the sum of our experiences. In many ways, that is true. Much of our human behaviors are learned, which defines our habits over time. We all have our good traits and our bad ones, and we all form bad habits as well as good. The key to success is discerning which is which.
Most people think of a habit as a physical thing like smoking, chewing gum, the routine you go through in order to get ready for work. We also form mental and emotional habits like the repetitious processes that we may or may not be aware of – yet we manifest it into our personalities, our thoughts and our desires. These habits can bring us great successes, or great failures, especially when it comes to personal relationships.
Are you always looking for love yet you never seem to find it? Or, are you great at finding relationships, only to have them fall apart? Maybe you have a history of thinking you found the one, then you find yourself asking at a later date, “What was I thinking?” Chances are good, if you take the time to look at your past, a pattern has emerged.
It is safe to say that when you follow a pattern of doing something the same way, over and over again, you are going to achieve the same results. It’s great if it works for you, but what happens when it doesn’t? Like it or not, it’s time to take a good look in the mirror.
The image you see in the mirror can be very different from what the rest of the world sees. There is more to you than just your physical reflection, so look a little deeper into the person that you are. Try to see yourself through the eyes of a stranger. Do you project the person you are, or are you hiding behind some well-constructed facade?
Most people focus on their negative attributes and traits. Don’t waste the energy by bringing yourself down. All that does is make you miserable! Recognize that you can improve in some areas, and focus on making those improvements.
More importantly, look at your good traits. If you can’t see them, either you aren’t looking, or you are too comfortable in that dark place of self-pity. First ,ask yourself why, then seek professional help. If you can’t love yourself, finding someone to love you isn’t going to change that.
In the realm of love, as with anything else, there are patterns. You are most likely drawn to certain qualities and characteristics when looking for a potential partner. Likewise, people with similar characteristics are often the ones who are attracted to you. While these things may attract your attention and affection, do they hold it?
Sometimes we are attracted to things that really don’t serve us but, because we find them attractive initially, we repeat the pattern. Hoping that another individual is going to change and evolve to our specifications is a destructive habit. Look for characteristics that you will accept and enjoy long-term, rather than just when things are new and exciting.
If your history is filled with control freaks, emotionally or legally unavailable partners, weak or unstable individuals, you should be able to recognize the indicators that someone new you are getting to know fits the profile. Do you really want to risk the same results? You have a choice! You also need to look at why you repeatedly find yourself in this situation. Perhaps you don’t feel worthy of a healthy relationship, so you subconsciously set yourself up to fail.
It isn’t always “the other guy.” If you have heard descriptions of yourself, or your actions, that other’s find less than endearing, there may be truth to their opinions. Have you been labeled cold, selfish, high-maintenance, clingy, codependent, controlling, suspicious, inattentive or too demanding? These are common relationship ending traits. If you are happy with yourself and your life, then roll with it. However, if these traits are bringing you more sadness than joy, it is time to make some changes within yourself.
Knowing who you are is the greatest source of power any one of us has. By accepting personal responsibility, we become free to change our circumstances and avoid making the same mistakes. When you are confident and comfortable with who you are, other’s find you more attractive; because the “real” you comes shining through.
Even love yourself
When you have a healthy sense of self, you are able to love the person you are. When you love yourself, you aren’t looking for validation and completion – you already have it. By breaking old patterns and habits that no longer serve you, you can create new patterns and habits that attract what you desire, rather than more of what you don’t want.
When you learn to get out of your own way, you just may find that life becomes more of a journey and less of an obstacle course. Don’t bring into tomorrow the habits you can break today!
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