The Myth of Your Independence

The Myth of Your Independence

Is There More to Life Than Your Independence?

The word “independent” has been used to describe many talented and successful people throughout history, making independence a very coveted and desirable trait for the rest of us. Being independent means that we are able to take care of ourselves and we don’t need to rely on others. It pays to be a man or woman on your own…or does it?

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All You Need is Love

George Vaillant completed an amazing 75-year longitudinal study on happiness, and his findings can be summed up in only three words—happiness is love. If we break this down further we find that what Vaillant is really saying is that the value of your life is based more on your intimate relationships with others than on achieving all the independence in the world. Loving yourself is important, yes, but learning to love others is where you will find the true beauty in who you are.

Trust is Fundamental to Finding True Love

Some people consider trust to be a weak trait because it opens them up to the possibility of disappointment. They also think trust leads to dependency and dependency is the complete opposite of independence. But without offering your trust to a partner, you will never share enough of yourself to earn the privilege of experiencing true love. Without trust, you may never know the security of feeling accepted and respected for who you are. You do need some acceptance from the people you trust in order to thrive in both love and life. But, if you are not receiving this kind of trust and acceptance, you are either not trusting enough to earn it, or are trusting too much in the wrong people.

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Relying on Your Partner’s Strengths is Intelligent

Your partner may be great at math, and you may rely on them to teach you to balance your checkbook or keep your bank accounts on track. This doesn’t make you weak, needy or dependent overall. It simply means that you have found a partner who compliments you, or even makes you a better person in some way. This behavior also makes you stronger and more intelligent because you’re developing a new skill. And the more strength and skills you acquire, the more independence you attain. This is a fundamental necessity for survival—and yes, your happiness too.

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Safety and Security Lead to Independence

Studies suggest that babies need to have their needs met (reliably and consistently) in order to grow up as secure, happy, loved and trusting adults. Trust is at the core of every man and woman’s confidence and self-esteem, and we develop that core strength at a very young age. We teach infants to be strong and strive for independence and they gain the most strength and independence from learning to trust their caretaker to give them what they need. And as far as any research suggests—a child has never been psychologically impaired by giving them “too much” love.

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Independence is a myth and a catch-22. It’s practically impossible to achieve. It’s only when you decide to give up your independence and let someone help you and care for you, and only when you do the same for someone else, that you will experience true love and happiness.

4 thoughts on “The Myth of Your Independence

  1. GEMINI6

    Well, for me I am an independent person and will remain. The experience I have had with men is
    not exactly a pretty one. All I have come across are left overs and men so what to know what is in my bank acct. to many times thru out my life of dating. And, I am sure it is the same for men. We have been so burned that we can not trust because we were taken advantage of. So we can’t fine a decent person out there. I will live with a person but, I can not and will not trust all the way. Just look at all those people who trusted and it did not work, wither they were married or not. I will not trust a person so much as to loose my identity and they take everything I have. Like I said this is my experience, it might not be yours but, that’s just the way I see it everyday. To say that independence is a myth is wrong, now a days its better to concentrate on ones self these days and I do this because I do love myself.

  2. Kathy

    How utterly true! I wish I could have convinced my last love of all this. He trusted no one, including me. It eventually tore us apart.

    It is sad to want one’s independence and freedom at the cost of fining true love.


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