It’s Not All About You

How often do we perceive that life itself is all about us? How often do we look at relationships we are in (that might not be doing well) and decide that it’s all our fault? How often do we look at some other person’s behavior and decide that we are responsible for it? Or how often, perhaps for the tenth time, do we not get that job we wanted after an interview that seemed to go so well, and then reflect that we had to have done something to alienate the interviewer?

Well, I just wanted to let you know – it’s not all about you. This is a great comfort, I find, when I reflect on it. To know that I don’t have responsibility for all the people I’m on a first-name basis with was really an “Aha!” moment for me. When I realized that people were responsible for their own behavior and feelings and I was not, well, this was just amazing.

As harsh as the reality is in the job market right now, it should also be somewhat of a comfort to realize that, really, it’s not you. When an interviewer has 50 or 100 (at least) good candidates to pick from to fill a position, well, it’s my belief that sometimes they just toss a coin after everyone’s been interviewed. Or maybe they put all of the candidates’ names in a jar and draw one. Or possibly the interviewer selects the person who wore the niftiest clothes – who knows? I do know that when a caller wants to know what I can see that they did “wrong” in the interview, I can honestly tell them they did fine, that it wasn’t them, that someone else just got the luck of the draw. And there will be another interview, where they’ll get the luck of the draw.

In relationships, callers are sometimes puzzled because the last date went just right, everything was great, and promises were made for a phone call. Then… nothing. Absolutely no call, no text, nothing. Dead silence. My callers are not only disappointed but baffled as well. “What did I do?” they’ll ask. And, most of the time, I’ll tell them that they did nothing to affect things in a negative way, that sometimes, believe it or not, some people just can’t deal with success, and so don’t make the phone call for a second date. It happens. Really. Or their date realized that while they had a nice time, they really weren’t over their “ex” and didn’t want to start another relationship just yet. Just because the reasons weren’t laid out, it didn’t mean that anything was personally wrong with my caller.

It’s not all about you. It really isn’t. You are, in all likelihood, a nice person who does your best. You were (there’s no doubt in my mind) the first runner-up to the guy who got the job (he also happens to be the cousin of the company vice-president). You usually try your best not to hurt other people’s feelings and would never fail to make a phone call (or text or e-mail) when you promised to. You handle your bit of responsibility in the world very well and just need to let go and let other people handle theirs. After all, bless your heart, it’s not all about you.

7 thoughts on “It’s Not All About You

  1. velvetoversteel

    Jacqueline, you are absolutely right! Many times we are being pushed for a reason! God has a plan and in the end we will see it and be so glad that ‘some things’ didn’t work out. Like the job we ‘thought’ we wanted so badly. Great addition, Jacqueline!

  2. Jacqueline

    Hi Tansy,
    Love your article, you hit it right on the head, too often it is not about you…. One thing I would like to add as far as job market goes, through all of the ups and downs, it has really caused many to look outside the box, push them-selfs further than before, so through this many are looking at opening there own business, but are finding it to be very succesfull as well as very empowering, they are feeling better about them-self and feeling a since of freedom, so there can be good that can come from not getting the job, it can help you to look further than what you have been acustomed to, but.. it can work, you just have to find a loop hole.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  3. velvetoversteel

    This is all so true! I’ve have these experience and many times wondered what i did wrong. It took me a long time to accept that I usually didn’t do anything wrong. That people have free will and many have their own issues that they are dealing with. Such as ex’s and mixed up feelings from being hurt and probably blaming themselves too.
    As for as jobs go, right on the mark with that one. I’ve read many articles on job searches and interview advice. It’s crazy some of the things that ‘turn the tide’ for people. One article talked about the chances you have in regards to which interview you are.
    Great advice for everyone, Tansy!

  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Tansy,
    This is a tiny but powerful and awesome article !!!! Much wisdom jam-packed into this article.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  5. cheyennecheyenne


    This is excellent! Thank you for the reminder. Take nothing personally, one of the Four Agreements from the book of the same name. I get similar calls regarding great dates and no contact afterwards and I get the same type of information for the caller as what you described.

    As I see it that underlying anxiety about “if you don’t have something now, you never will” seems to be the culprit more times than not. I understand this feeling and give advice based on manifesting and attracting the things the client wants in their life.

    Instead of taking on all the responsibility of thinking you did something wrong in the case of not getting a second date or a job you interviewed for; try using that same energy in the form of realizing you can and will attract the right job or person at the right time. If you didn’t get something you were after, chances are either the timing was off or it wasn’t the right situation or person for you at all. Trust me, it’s better to have the patience and wait for the right person or situation than get involved with the wrong situation or person.

  6. Jai Krishna Ponnappan

    Very well put Tansy. You’re always a winner in life as long as you tried. There’s a word in Japanese called Kaizen, its defined as ‘Never ending improvement’. I believe this is the right positive attitude and understanding to make those little but consistent increments towards achieving your goals and helping others on the way to theirs. Blessings & Best Regards -Jai 🙂


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