Forgive Yourself and Heal

Learning to Accepting Self-Healing

Early on in my hypnotherapy training, they brought up the concept that any behaviors that we develop through our lives are direct results of either things that happened to us, or things that we did that got stuck in our memories, our psyches, and our subconscious mind. So below the conscious level of day to day life, we have these “sticky” strips that grab onto a word, or a look, or many times, imagined “slights”; they cause this wounded part of ourselves to “react.” Those sticky places and the subsequent reactions are something we hold onto and beat ourselves up over and over again, which actually strengthens the negative reaction we dislike. Forgiving yourself lessens that negative pattern and can free you to change “old tapes” for newer more positive behaviors and overall happiness with who you are!

Think back to the last time or two you reacted in a way that made you uncomfortable. Remember that feeling of gut-wrenching intensity that came just before you reacted? That’s the inner child scrunching down on itself out of fear, guilt, anger, etc… When we feel that “winding up” feeling it means that something has triggered a deeper response than the situation may call for. This is your “moment of choice” to choose a different path. Take a moment of “time out” to clear your head before you act.

Let’s focus on forgiving yourself for each of these uncomfortable moments by understanding that you were “doing the best that you could, with the tools you had at that time!” Realize that these moments are in the past and that by making a commitment to work on the behaviors in the future, you need a “fresh start”. That is what forgiveness can do for you. It is usually something from your past that has caused you to react, and there are many ways to pursue and clear those old wounds with counseling or help. To start to feel better today, you can forgive yourself for any behaviors that happened before you became aware that there was a deeper issue that triggered them.

Forgiving yourself for being human and for holding onto that old fear is the beginning of taking the sting out of it. I like to suggest a nice letter to yourself as loving and nurturing as you would be to a child, or a loved one, or your best friend. Mail it to yourself, and when it arrives, open it and meditate on what is there as if it is from a divine mentor that loves you as perfect exactly as you are! Now you can start to work on changing the behavior!

The key to making this work is to be vigilant in your thinking, when you start beating yourself up, or being negative; have a list of positive affirmations to help you move into the light again! If you change your “mind” and how you think about yourself, your life WILL change for the better!

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7 thoughts on “Forgive Yourself and Heal

  1. sweetz1

    I to have that longing for love. I want it to be the person I married, but, I don’t know.?!I recall an incident when I wanted to be with him so bad and apparently, he wanted the same. I got up about nine pm. I asked a friend of mines, if I could borrow her car. I did not want to drive my car. But to make a long story short. I rode bye his house and Lord, behold he was on the porch, thinking the same thing. I rode past his house like three times, before he realize who I were. He came to the car, got in, and asked me…how did you know!? How did you know that I was wanting to be with you? I replied, it was just something that I felt. So there are those signs or feelings that we get deep down insde. So my prayer everyday, now, is, for to God to keep letting me know when the time is right! Right for him and I to get back together and stay together forever. He’s my soul mate. Love this column. Keep me in your prayers!

  2. sweetz1

    That’s funny how I ran onto this article. I’m feeling kind of low today! I’ve been divorced from my husband for six months now. It still feel like yesterday. We both hurt each other. Now I wish I could turn back the hand of time. I’m in my forties. And life seem to be zooming really fast. I always beat myself up. because my relationship failed. I still love this man from the bottom of my heart. So therefore, to forgive seem to be not an option for me right now. Sometimes life seem to be worthless, but somehow, I sike myself to make my day to appear to be a little bit better. Even though this is all the past. It still feel so very present!

  3. Jojo

    Relevant article.
    This is what i really wanted just now at this very moment. Since I am really suffering from heart breaks from the person I loved so very much..
    self forgiveness /mirror mirror is the best medicine for me now.. I have been practicing this for a month and it seems to work for me.. I am so relieved and I just came to realize, there are no needs to keep on asking for his forgiveness anymore since I have been asking for it more than 10 times..
    I have started to gain ma grounding and my heart is full of peace now..

    Blessings for this articles..

  4. Angie Beharry

    Thank you for this article on forgiving myself and healing me,I need this right now in my life as i am on my own after breaking up with my boyfriend.Thank you.

  5. Rose Cocca

    i am not lonely..i have a lot of friends and trips to take that i dont have time to be lonely…i dont feel sorry for myself at all..i have no fear if im dating…i am single now and all i do is date..right now im NOT dateing anyone…i dont know if im in a relationship …

  6. Faith ext. 9608Faith ext. 9608

    Excellent article Yemaya on forgiveness and guiding one into confidence and self love. Wonderful advice about the letter from your own Divine Mentor … thank you!

    Blessings, Faith ext. 9608


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