Are You Saying Yes When You Should Say No?
Have you ever berated yourself for having said yes again when you really wanted to say no? Have you ever regretted saying yes because you intuitively knew you were going against your gut? Have you ever vowed it would neverhappen again?
According to researcher Alison Armstrong, women have a tendency to say yes in order to please their spouses, partners and boyfriends. It appears to be a leftover behavior from our ancestors, when pleasing mates would equal survival. Nowadays, our survival is usually no longer connected to saying yes when we really want to be saying no. Here are four questions to ask yourself next time you find yourself in a situation unsure if yes is really your answer:
1. Why am I considering saying yes? What benefits might occur?
If you’re not sure on this one, take some time and assess your values. Roy Disney said, “It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Look at the reasons you are saying yes and get real honest with yourself. Ask yourself question# 2:
2. Is this the best use of my time? What else could I be doing that would be more important?
Sometimes we intentionally and unintentionally distract ourselves from the tasks we are out to accomplish. Often, we are procrastinating from things and situations that are important to us. Again, asses what you’re really up to and then choose wisely.
3. What could/would happen if I say No? Are there any known downsides to saying NO?
Look closely to the downsides and be as objective as possible. Looking from a space of courage and confidence will eliminate saying yes out of fear of loss.
4. Does making this commitment align with my core values or goals or am I just trying to please someone else?
Again, research indicates that women often say yes to situations because they are trying to please another person. This could be as simple as agreeing to eating something you know is not what you want, only because you are trying to please the other person. William Shakespeare’s Polonius said, “To thine own self be true.” These are great questions to quickly ask yourself before making any commitment. You will notice how aligning yourself with your core values helps you feel better physically, mentally and spiritually.