Break the Rules: Get Mad!

I’m Pissed, Not PMSing

There are days when I’m really angry or even enraged, and believe it or not, I’m not necessarily PMSing every time. I know that this is the general excuse for a female’s bad attitude, and it’s actually a valid point, but for those of us who aren’t mere slaves to our hormones, please don’t assume that all our anger is PMS-related.

Having said that, there are a few “rules” one should follow in order to not be seen as a total muppet and in order to not royally upset people, i.e. make enemies. Take it from me – I used to be a master in the “rubbing people the wrong way” category, by means of my “refreshing,” in-your-face honesty.

Anger is a perfectly normal emotion. All of us get angry here and there, and it’s not only normal, but healthy to express anger. Of course, there are different ways of doing this. My idea of expressing anger used to be by yelling, screaming and attacking in such a way that the other person wouldn’t get up for a while. I would repress my anger, disappointment or resentment for a long time, until the proverbial s*** hit the fan and I’d lose it. By that time I’d be fuming to the point of absolute rage, and what little self-control I may have still had would quickly go down the drain if the poor sucker had the nerve to not own up to their part.

I would like to again remind people of my mantra: “You are allowed to feel it, but you cannot act on it!” It’s OK to tell a person that you are angry. It is, however, never OK to act out on it. No, we do not get to rant, rave, hit, scream, yell, lash out or passively aggressively attack another; it is also absolutely not OK to hit below the belt line or to go behind a person’s back! This is what cowards do, and we never accomplish anything by acting in the aforementioned ways. As a matter of fact, when you reach the boiling point, it’s best to call a “time-out” and simply walk away! You may want to agree to talk when you’re less emotional and when your anger has subsided. Only when you’re calm and collected is it a good idea to talk about your feelings!

Acting in temper-tantrum, passive-aggressive, out-of-control kinds of ways, including name calling or bad-mouthing one another, is acting like a five-year-old. Hence, people who behave this way don’t ever win, and always end up losing credibility and the respect of others; well, at least healthy people. I would be highly concerned with my friends if they would allow me to get away with such childish and crazy behaviors!

When I get angry, I usually pack a damn good punch! This can work in my advantage, because it allows me to channel this raw energy into something I really enjoy. Exercising, especially cardio work-outs do wonders for my enraged mind. I can start punching the punching bag in the gym, or run like a maniac on the treadmill, and by the time my body is tired, so is my mind. I feel refreshed and at the same time exhausted enough to relax and calm down. If I am in a situation where I cannot go to the gym, I will simply write my anger down. This includes writing letters to the people who really pissed me off. I write them a nastygram, telling them what jerks they are and how they can go to hell… and never send it!! By the time I complete my letter to the tools of the world, I feel a whole lot better!

The key is to never bottle up your anger. The worst one can do for one’s emotional, mental and physical health is to keep things inside. The challenge is to get this stuff out of you before it does damage to you or others. This is why we behave in a grown-up manner, unless we want to find ourselves alone, friendless and relationshipless. People don’t like being around time bombs, because most of us want to feel safe with those we spend time and space with. A person who is about to cuss you out, attacks below the belt line or otherwise behaves like a toddler is not safe and probably only fun for a little while, because you always have to tiptoe around them, wondering what will happen if you piss them off. The same goes for those who are awesome in criticizing and/or belittling others, but will lash out when you call them on their stuff.

How you treat others and who you are being in the world, is what and whom you attract in return! So no, you don’t get to be a freight train, no matter how you have been wronged! Sometimes it’s just simply better to take the high road, i.e. hold your head up, keep your dignity and just walk away. Here’s another motto for you: Just say no!!

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4 thoughts on “Break the Rules: Get Mad!

  1. Carmen Knopfette Honacker

    @ Gina Rose: Ha, I have a Libra friend who does this. She tends to really annoy her neighbors when she moves furniture in the middle of the night, lol.

    @Kroo: Generally, I am with you on this. But I have learned, first hand, that for some there are no consequences. I can freak out and tell them to their face what a jerk they are and they will turn around, rouse the masses (who tend to be passive and cowardly, then get buy-in from them and YOU end up being the jerk. There is no winning in trying to get justice from those who are deeply in denial and notorious martyrs or victims. You can present them with black and white evidence and they’ll look you straight into the eye, telling you it was YOUR fault.

    I do believe that we live largely in a society that promotes no consequences and no “punishment” for those who are abusive, mean, deceitful and dishonest. Hence, one has to choose one’s battles wisely, or one will end up pretty isolated and alone, in order to be right and to protect oneself or one’s pride.

    I have found that people won’t have your back, just because you did the right thing, because there are way too many people out there who are ignoring the wrong thing.

  2. kroo

    I do believe in channeling negative energy into a positive energy.
    However, when caught off guard by someone that has invaded a space
    they were not invited into, there will be consequences.
    Recently I had such a moment and for lack of a better word I ‘freaked’
    and I let them know it.
    I have now decided I am allowed to protect my space at all costs.
    When someone takes the liberty of crossing the boundary lines, then
    by all means that person needs to know what their consequences are and
    if that means an anger reaction from the person they have violated then
    the results are endless.
    I am not promoting anger and or violence but why project anger and hostility onto someone
    you love or that loves you? I believe in putting our negative reactions onto those that
    provoke it and not onto our loved ones.
    I have since decided what I believe is correct.
    Rather than hold back where the reaction is merited and then let it out when in the
    company of someone we care deeply for, give back to those that have provoked us,
    at the moment it has occured, not later.
    Some individuals thrive on drama and making people angry, the old saying, ‘misery loves
    company’, is certainly true for many human beings, unfortunately.
    thank you and all the best to everyone

  3. tbird

    Good article, Carmen. My ex used to go off on a tangent with yelling when he was angry. It took years before we learned that it was probably due to ADHD. But he called me names occasionally which I believe is part of free will, and that’s why he is now my ex.

  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,

    Great points !!!

    When I get angry (my red hair is no lie)……I find that I re-arrange furniture…..LOL !

    By the time I’m done moving furniture around in a room, I’m too tired to be foaming-at-the-mouth- angry and my anger has been diverted into pleasure as I survey how nice the room looks when I get done. Not only am I working out my anger in a physical way, but I’m also being productive about it.
    That’s the Virgo in me there by the way….LOL

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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