Why Women Don’t Marry Their Best Sex Partners

 She Won’t Marry the Bad Boy

Are Hot Sex and Relationship Sex Mutually Exclusive?

While the sex factor is an important part of any romantic relationship, many women say they didn’t marry their best sex partner, at least according to a recent iVillage.com survey. While the women surveyed said they were quite content with the sex in their current relationship, they admitted it just wasn’t the hottest sex they’ve ever had, and in fact, most were perfectly content to get more sleep or read a book in lieu of sex.

So What Makes Hot Sex the Best Sex?

If most women were to review their best sex moments throughout life, it wouldn’t be a surprise to find that friends-with-benefits sex, sex performed in non-traditional settings (like the conference room table at work) and sex with a “bad boy” would all rate at the top of their list of best sex encounters. Hot sex is often sex we have that has no ties, no strings and no attachments. We can be as naughty as we want to be with no judgments and no repercussions (hopefully). It’s the danger factor that elicits that excitable feeling you get when you know you’re doing something a little wild and crazy. It’s a rush of emotions most likely fueled by pheromones. Most girls don’t marry the bad boys of their past, and that is probably why women don’t marry their best sex partners.

Is Marriage the End of Hot, Steamy Sex?

Due to the stresses associated with marriage and parenthood, a couple’s sex life may often be the first to suffer. It takes more energy to get excited about sex after dealing with the increasing responsibilities that come with relationships, families, jobs, etc., than it did when none of those responsibilities existed. Learn to balance a healthy sex life with all your responsibilities. Psychic Julia ext. 9131. can help!

Maybe the reason women don’t marry their best sex partners is because those partners were never husband/family material to begin with. The irresponsible, taboo or unavailable bad boy is probably not the one that’s going to measure up when a women decides she wants a family and some emotional and financial stability. There are some girls, however, who would love to pin down that hard-to-get sex machine and turn him into husband material, but that approach often fails miserably.

Love with sex can send you both beyond the stars.” – Psychic Alison ext. 9885

By the time women have had their fill of sexual adventures and they’re ready to move on to concentrate on family and careers, they seem to be content overall with a sex life that’s less taboo and more comfortable. And while comfortable may feel good, there’s no reason not to shake it up a little once in a while. Raising the mercury level on the hotness meter isn’t impossible, and some women may even find that it takes less effort than originally thought while also reviving a sexual spark that they thought was long gone. In doing so, some women might find that they actually did marry their best sex partner after all.

31 thoughts on “Why Women Don’t Marry Their Best Sex Partners

  1. Aaron

    Man, husband here. I’m 6’3, 285lbs, “above average” male, very strong, who waited until 28 to have sex (saved it for my wife). She has had over 30 partners (gradually came out over time). After having read this article, and 12.5 years into our marriage, I ask my wife, “When did I become the ‘best’? How long did it take?” We dated for 45 days and were VERY sexually active during this time. I assumed that when I put a ring on her finger that I was the”best”. Her response crushed me. She said, “Four years.”
    No man wants to live in the shadow of another. Although she stated I met her “emotional needs”, I feel emasculated. And, two other men were better. Her first lover, was one, and another man she had rough, creative sex with in college over a period of six months was the other.
    Looking forward now to move on and just play the field. She is sad about revealing this, but I feel the first part of my marriage was a lie. Part of my life was a lie.
    Glad that material like this is getting out…I suspect when other husbands know this, they will move on too.
    Good Hunting!
    ~No More Mr. Nice Guy!
    Smalltown, USA


    1 st one average sex 2nd one better / ha now 18 years ago as a widow found the best
    bad boy from youth AND BEST SEX EVER BEGINNING AT AGE 63

  3. Deborah Williams

    Well, unfortunately, this may be true…. I have always dated the bad boys and hoped they would suddenly wake up and see that I was “the one”; and that never happens. And all the good guys who I am not interested in sexually cannot do enough for me!!! I hope I can find a happy medium sometime soon!!!!

  4. kaffey

    @ Noxolo: I believe the answer can be yes. There are many reasons why a man would cheat – mostly it’s because he believes he can get away with it. Sex is so readily available for anyone, and a lot of men & women alike are not bothered by the fact that the person may already be taken, be it married or otherwise mutually exclusive.
    My husband cheated on me after 21 years of marriage with a woman who’d been chasing him for many months (I was away taking care of our son for an extended period of time) – He got drunk, she was all over him & they did it in his truck. He thought, “Why not? Who’s gonna know?” I might not have found out if he didn’t have a conscience. She was not married, but she was engaged to another man! Why do women do this to eachother? He said to me he wishes he could take it back. But you can’t undo a deed – at least his mind won’t let him forget.
    @LJ Innes: I think a lot of what you said is true – at least in my case. Decent article.

  5. coz

    A.J seems right to certain extent. I just want to take the argument a little further, Most women (as much as Men) don’t choose marry their best sex partners because it certainly requires more than this to settle down with a partner when you factor other important considerations like financial /emotional security, compatibility,cultural difference mutual attraction, etc. The probability of finding all of the above in aggregate in a singe person is the reason most people will settle with someone depending on which sets of this factors is most important in the decision-making process for marriage/civil partnership. So somewhere along the line people compromise their ultimate choice when the perfect partner seems elusive. The search for the fulfilment of the missing factor(s)/ingredient ultimately cause individual to stray into extra-marital affairs in some cases. On another level some individual are too self-centred and will go any length to have the best of both worlds even when it can be risky or unhealthy to their thriving relationship. Nevertheless sexual in-compatibility is a dangerous factor to be ignored because deep down it is the culmination of our expression of intimacy with one and another at the emotional level. Still just having sex or making love are two different things that can be confused to mean the same thing when it is really not so.

  6. Louise

    Wow! Is this guy right! I married the “Bad Boy”, what a mistake, he always ran around on me, he couldn’t be faithful if his live depended on it! I think it all stems from a very low self esteem. These individuals have to have a new lover all the time to feel validated, make them feel like there so hot, when they are not!
    Be smart ladies and marry someone who will be your best friend and the sex will get better with time and that is well worth the time and effort you put into it!

  7. LJ Innes

    Dear Karen – just to keep Liam’s stellar advice reputation in tact – he didn’t write this article – I merely had the pleasure of having his friendly face appear next to it. So don’t be mad at Liam

  8. LJ Innes

    thanks everyone for your evocative opinions. First let me repeat that this article is based on a survey of real women about their real sex lives and it merely reiterates their very real answers.
    As for Jeanie, perhaps you were so disgusted with the article that you rushed to write your response without reading the last sentence of this article which says “In doing so, some women might find that they actually did marry their best sex partner after all.”
    Anything is possible in love. I would just hope that everyone reads the whole article before forming an opinion about what they see as my personal opinion, which it is not – it’s my opinion of the survey surrounded by various other facts based on research. Also “maybes” and “perhaps” are words of possibilities – and again – anything is possible.
    Thanks everyone, love and starlight

  9. dylan

    For me, it a soul binding experience. From my perspective, I have only been exposed to females who give up too easily at the first sign of any behavior society deems a sign of possible unacceptability. I did everything to accommodate (married 12yrs., other rel., 4yrs.,) the lifestyle wishes and level of conformity that said female desired. It never worked. The sex component was never an issue, but my lack of ability to portray a dishonest version of myself to friends, family, etc., was. I believe if both parties do not invest honestly 110% emotionally & physically, the relationship is doomed to fail. B.T.W., I am a good dad……….

  10. niki pacheco

    I am separated after 9 years of unhappiness because of lack of intimacy and connection. Of course the sex was bad. I was part of a religion that emphazises no sex before marriage. Big mistake. We were’t allowed to divorce either. So I left my husband and my religion and haven’t looked back. I am a very attractive 43 year old woman who looks like a 30 year old. I am seeing 2 young men one is 36 and the other 29. Amazing……Niki

  11. R.J.

    I beg to differ with you on this article. I am in my 30’s & am now having the best sex of my life with my very best male friend, who is in his 40’s. We have been friends for many years now & things ( especially the sex, Lol ) just keep getting better & better all the time! We are friends as well as lovers, & we somehow manage to make it all work out ! It is GREAT!!! The best part is that I do have feelings for him & I think he feels the same way about me, too. I think that maybe someday, things could turn into something more…. or at least I would love for them to!!! 😉

  12. ruth

    I wouldn’t think of that way, infact I would rather marry the guy he is the one I do have funn with even beeter because he never judge me in any kind of way. He doesn’t tell me what to do or not to do I feel very comfertable with him. Yes hundred time I will Marry the guy that doesnt want the commitment he wont look at it that way when we get married he will see it as a funn and much better because if your gonna be having sex with the same guy for three years preety much you are in a realationship. just that you have not cofirm it yet he does love you so why not be paitent with him untill he pops the queiston. and That is what I am waiting for i know it wont be very much longer time for him to see that I am who he wants.

  13. Jeanie

    Best sex partners are NOT the ones with no strings attached!! Yuck! It’s the man you truly have a connection with, the one who allows you to be yourself and vice versa….then your sex life has ZERO inhibitions and that’s when it’s great, daring, sexy hot and better than all the rest!! Not with some hook-up you don’t know, I wouldn’t even feel safe with a stranger I met out. This article is so off base in my opinion, and sounds like it from many others as well. I am 46 years old, was married for 16 years, and I married my husband because he made me laugh every single day; however, our intimate life sucked, in the end we laughed much less, and did NOT have the sexual/intimate bond that I do believe is the glue that holds a couple together. (And I’m not saying that means sex only, intimacy is needed for the long haul). I will never make that mistake again, the sex needs to be great, especially in the first years, then when it dies down at least you know you have the chemistry to keep the connection!

  14. DMarie

    I’ve been mrried twice and I can tell you, that the lades who did’t marry their bet sex partner are foolish.The sex in my first marriage was really not fulfilling.I got pregnant and we got married.He never went out of his way to satisfy anyone but himself.Because of that ,he called me cold.The second husband was totally differant.He wanted to please me.That made the differance,plus he was well equipped fo the job.In no time,we found out we were perfectly matched.When one of us got the desire the other was up for the game.We got married and have been togethr for forty-four years.Never have I been unhappy that I married the man who fllfilled me sexually.These two men weren’t the only men who had been in my life but my second husband has been the only man to fullfil me sexually.I think the fact that my present husband was very interested in satisfing me first, is why I relaxed right into the relatonship and finally was able to be totally fullfilled.In a short time, we decided we didn’t want to be apart,so we got married.We’ve had some ups and downs like everyone else but neither of us would have been happy with someone else.I know I wouldn’t because I met my sex partner for life.

  15. Vicki

    I turned 62 on December 30th last year. I met a man a couple yers ago, he was 43, I was 60. He’d only had one girlfriend for 8 years, and she passes away. He’s been alone since…when I first saw him-I mean the VERY first time I saw him walk down the driveway, I KNEW I would marry him!
    I’m 6’2″, an unknown actress, was always in relationships, whether they be straight type men, with money, or bad boys…always committed and never screwing around. I never found one to marry, OR had the urge to marry until now. I’ve been asked to marry MANY times, never did.
    It took me almost a year to get to know my man intimately…we’ve been living together a little over a year. He’s NEVER tried to control OR manipulate me, always open and honest, and a great sense of humor.
    Oue sex was great at the start, and now it’s winding down, and I’m feeling it’s because I’m not as desireable. He’s informed me there’s more to life and relationships than sex! And by the way, this guy is THE BEST SEX PARTNER I’VE EVER HAD! THE CONNECTION IS UNDESCRIBABLE! I would give anything to spend the rest of my life with him.
    Yes, I’ve been in the gym thirty years, I eat healthy, and am pretty stylish when it comes to clothes. He is just a plain white t-shirt and 501 jeans guy…ALSO, exactly what I like!
    There’s a little bit of past life stuff going on here, so add that to your article. I can regress into past lives, he’s extremely spiritual, and well…it just “clicks”.

  16. khosie

    Nobody really knows and nobody will ever know….i am in my mid 20’s and thought i was keeping it hot and spicey with the man who’s 13years my senior….i took risks at times because of the flames and even to this day ,,,,,i still make him cry like lil child in the bedroom. but guess what? he’s gone now to pursue his intimacy elsewhere without my helpless sexual skills so the issue of age , sex and marraige to me is just a personal choice and feeling. if he wants to be with and its meant to be…..that will happen with hesitation. nobody is an expert to these things. if you have him make sure you keep and if he’s not yours then give him wings to fly high.

  17. Karen Turner


    Don’t take this as a general diss, for sometimes you have shared some good wisdom and it’s great to hear things from a guy’s viewpoint. But I have to agree with alot of what Angie said, especially at the beginning and with her remark stating, “What makes sex good is the time and effort put into the act and if they make you feel special.”

    To me.. and I think many women would agree.. that it has way more to do with the connection than anything else. My very best sexual relationship was one that was very sensual, while also being sexual and so different than any other that I couldn’t even begin to compare it, which has actually been a been frustrating. The closest word I came to describing it was “transcendental”, very magical, but with no effort to create it to be this way.. in other words, no Tantric instruction or anything.. It was just that way from the moment of our first gentle, sweet kiss. We just flowed into one being very naturally. We are also both Pisces and almost all of our lovemaking took place in the sensuous water environment.

    Our problem was that once we were out of that very intimate environment, we could never make it work on a practical basis, though we gave it four years of off and on effort. Throughout that time, there was never a moment of lovemaking that was not totally magical. He agreed… stating, as a musician, that “it’s like two people playing music together for the first time and given the choice of what notes to play, hearing the other person play every single note you want them to play.. and there you have it!”

    We finally agreed, recently, that at our ages, 50s and 60s, that we needed to go on with our lives, but I can promise you that he misses that every bit as much as I do! And it is unlikely that we’ll ever find that again.. In my belief, this is what most women dream of and desire the most sexually.. a true fairy tale.. and I am here to say that is possible! 🙂

  18. Chris

    If a man cheats on you, he is still searching for “the right one”. It is posible that in cheating he realizes the current partner (wife) is the right one, but these are loosers.
    I was married over 38 years to one woman.

  19. angie

    I seriously dont know where you come up with this stuff?have you been stunted by a 20 yr old brain?When was the last time you followed anyones relationships or been a woman?
    Ive been in long term relationships and had years of friends with benefits.Ive been with bad boys and good boys.My best sex wasnt and isnt without strings.Nor is it the case for everyone.Studies have shown women are more likely to feel comfortable with a commited partner and therefore more apt to open up sexually.Some bad boys were good others horrible, same as anyone else.What makes sex good is the time and effort put into the act and if they make you feel special.It also helps if they aren’t hung like a mouse,unhealthy or unattractive.Alot of the time what happens after marriage is people stop trying, assuming its their partners responsibility.when they dont do anything to fix it and you couldnt be bothered someone is off cheating because sex is so avaiable.FYI all those strippers you men seem to want to marry arent going to give you amazing sex every night,be faithful or be marriage material either.No I would not be happy with mediocre sex the rest of my life but its not going to rock your world every night married or single.No I wouldnt rather sleep.Ive only dated men younger than me for the last 15yrs as men my age cant keep up.Not all of them have been good in bed either.One thing I can say is if you dont have a multitude of partners to compare them with the partner your have would be your best because you’d know no difference.stop thinking with your little head.so far all your articles seem to be biased,ageist,anti-feminine,opinion and nothing more.

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  21. Judith

    I think your very young to be making assumptions about older women and sex. I usually never respond to articles like this but I felt compelled this time.
    For one we do not have to give up great sex for security and career and NOT all bad boys are great lovers. If you know yourself and know you soul many older women find a wonderful combination of love, security and super crazy sex. I am in my fifty’s and am experiencing the best sex of my life right now with a wonderful partner who is an excellent human being.
    Also have you taken a look at some of the 50 and up women lately? They are beautiful and in shape. They take time to take care for they’re skin, work out in gyms and are long distant runners etc…. My friend is in her sixty’s and is doing iron man and running marathons. She looks 40 or younger.
    I can’t tell you how many younger men are interested in older women these days. We are more settled, more secure and experienced in the bed room. So if your looking for that 20 year old bikini body maybe you should take a look at some beautiful proud older women.

    Thank you for your time.


  22. Kristine

    I whole heartedly agree. Still haven’t found the right guy, however, I am having some fun while I do. So when I do meet him, I will have some experience to complete that part, and have also found the man that really cares about me and wants to be in my life as well as me in his. Mostly, at my age 47, our kids will be grown and we can have the freedom and money to travel and have fun together in soooo many ways. I can’t wait!!

  23. sukumar deyy

    `i am 38 years old but now this time iam cool i am not hot when my wife is near me that time i am not hot, & when i ready to intercourse with my wife then my spanish very soft & quickly errection & small spanish it is very tention

  24. Amelia Christine

    Bull, women who said they did not want to marry for sex are not telling the truth. I married twice to men who I felt attracted attracted to and I was happy with them, because the intimacy was great. I never had to be running to and fro to compare who was the best, because I was happy from day one. The first one died from from cancer. The second one I am still married to.

  25. Danielle S.

    While marrying for safety and security looks like a trend, it is hard to set it as a rule. I have seen “bad boys”completely reform for a sweet, loving and devoted woman. My uncle became the best husband and father I have seen and their sex life was (almost) the talk of the family:) Their intimate connection was so powerful, you could feel it.
    I am talking about an uncle and his wife, still together at over 80 years of age, still hand in hand, after 58 years of happy and fulfilling marriage.
    Same, my paternal grandparents, who lived and loved each other for almost 90 years of marriage. They married young and died at 108 and 105 respectively.
    Beautiful stories we should aspire to.

  26. wink

    wow…yeah seems like u just can’t have it all. I would like to marry my best friend,but for him,the “chase” I believe,takes it to the top for him,and he MISSES it! even tho hes getting way too old! lol!

  27. A. J.

    KEEPING IT THOUGHTFULLY HONEST: The premise of this artricle is interesting but I do not believe it is relflective of a woman’s needs for romance and attention as well as hidden passionate desires! If the artricle’s premise is accurate, then why are there so many married women getting involved in secret affairs? I believe the choices are not one or the other! This limited choice of “Maybe the reason women don’t marry their best sex partners is because those partners were never husband/family material to begin with, “is a false! Some women are just not emotionally mature enough to make wise choices. And Some men take longer to mature to become partners that possess husband/family material! The bottom line for any healthy relationship to last and endure requires the “super glue” to revive the sexual passionate spark that keeps bonding the partnership with shared initimacy!


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