As human beings, our myriad life experiences shape us and change us. While this is inevitable, our ability to let go of negative thoughts and emotions such as hatred, fear, anger, and the need to control, is our most effective tool in controlling and counteracting the emotional baggage we have accumulated on our life journey. Only when we are able to release ourselves from past hurts, can we open ourselves to others and love them with the fullness of our being. Detaching from that which lessens our spirits, frees us to love in this way. Of the many ways that we attach ourselves to negative thought patterns and behaviors, there are a few that bear special mention. Let’s look at letting go…
It’s not just Type A personalities that feel the need to control everything in their environment. When it comes to love, many people unconsciously erect barriers and encase themselves in an emotional armor in an attempt to tightly control life’s many variables. The almost limitless unknowns in life can be scary, and as a result the human heart might end up being the most protected part of who you are. But there is a reason for the popular saying “control is just an illusion”; indeed, all you can control is yourself- other people’s actions and feelings will always be wild cards, given that we all have free will. When you try to maneuver people’s emotions and actions to make yourself feel more secure, you cheat both yourself and the other person out of vital, organic experiences. And the sad little truth about control is that you may have it one minute, and lose it the next to the unpredictable nature of life and people.
By detaching yourself from the need to control people and events, you are free to accept things as they come, celebrating the good and allowing the bad to roll off your psyche. So much energy is put into trying to manage others, that when it blows up in your face, you are devastated because you have invested so much of yourself in the situation. Much better to live in the moment, take and enjoy life as it comes, and allow things to happen naturally.
…Of Past Hurts
Virtually everyone has lived through a broken heart – a sad, yet inevitable fact of the human condition. Far more tragic, however, is the unbreechable wall that some build around their hearts to protect themselves from further assaults. Moving on from a harmful relationship is contingent upon the person’s ability to release bad experiences and not harbor them in their hearts and bodies. The fears and emotional baggage you take into a new relationship can easily kill it, and often does. To be able to heal from the negative experience, to forgive yourself and your ex-partner for whatever transpired, is imperative to moving on. With hurtful shadows on your heart, you cannot give yourself completely to another. You will always be holding a piece of yourself back, dedicated to mourning the past. This part of you will make you fear loving another, always placing doubt between you and your happiness with a new relationship.
The key is to find peace with whatever went on in these past relationships, accepting that you both did the best you could considering who you were at the time. Then just let it go. Mentally cleaning out your “old, ruined relationships” closet will make room for something new and exciting in your love life. It’s a wonderful and happy thought to focus on the positive contributions a new love brings into your life without losing sight of your power to choose the final outcome of that relationship. It’s a most empowering and healing revelation to acknowledge that you will be able to free yourself completely from a relationship, should it go sour, and then happily move on to sweeter things.