What Do Women Want? For Men to Feel Their Pain.

Empathy Goes a Long Way

It’s a question that’s been asked by men since the beginning of time: What do women want? Of course, nobody’s ever come up with a satisfactory answer… until now?

According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, what women really want is for men to intuitively know when they’re upset.

Medical Xpress reports:

The study involved a diverse sample of couples and found that men’s and women’s perceptions of their significant other’s empathy, and their abilities to tell when the other is happy or upset, are linked to relationship satisfaction in distinctive ways, according to the article published online in the Journal of Family Psychology.

“It could be that for women, seeing that their male partner is upset reflects some degree of the man’s investment and emotional engagement in the relationship, even during difficult times. This is consistent with what is known about the dissatisfaction women often experience when their male partner becomes emotionally withdrawn and disengaged in response to conflict,” said the study’s lead author, Shiri Cohen, PhD, of Harvard Medical School.

Researchers recruited 156 heterosexual couples for the experiment. Of those, 102 came from the Boston area and were younger, urban, ethnically and economically diverse and in a committed but not necessarily married relationship. In an effort to find couples who varied in the ways they resolved conflicts and controlled their emotions, they also looked for couples with a history of domestic violence and/or childhood sexual abuse. The remaining participants, from Bryn Mawr, Pa., were older, suburban and middle-class married couples with strong ties to the community. In all, 71 percent of couples were white, 56 percent were married and their average length of relationship was three-and-a-half years.

What do you think: Is the study spot-on? Do you wish your significant other intuitively knew you were upset?

“Keep your partner happy by being happy yourself.” – Blythe ext. 5339

“Relationships are hard. To say they aren’t is a lie, but the best things in life are the ones we have to work at constantly, and still enjoy.” – Lacy ext. 5494

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5 thoughts on “What Do Women Want? For Men to Feel Their Pain.

  1. Marc from the UK

    I have said before, we are what we eat, we are what drink, we are what we think, it is all about perspective and empathy is something that comes from within but requires honing, fine tuning and used very carefully! I deliberately withdrew my visual love and support to my x wife before we parted, I was tired of being played, manipulated and coerced into being a belonging rather than an individual, deep down it hurt me not to be what I was normally and that was a loving, kind supportive husband, it was my last resort to help my x wife realsie its time to let me go and eventually she gave up and along our way met someone else! Now we can talk about things but not to deeply, our son is going through a tough time with a long term relationship and is heart broken, I talk to him and listen, but have made it clear that it is time to move on,he cry’s and feels the real pain, i can only see the positives and told him that I am glad he feels pain, as it means he feels love so can give it again one day, and understands the value of it, I have asked him to be thankful of his time with his x girlfriend, this is not about blame, but to focus on the positives and be grateful for the times they shared on there journey, now that to me is empathy without the sugar coating, I cannot rush time to get him through this time of despair, I have often thought if I could take there pain and illnesses and endure it myself or trade my life time in I would, but now I realsie it is a journey they must endure and it is there pathm we have no rights in life, nobody owes us anything, but what a wonderful gift if we can give instead, and empathy is a gift. I have made a phone call tonight to an ex officer in the british armed forces, we have not seen or spoken for 27 years, and we are meeting up for a regimental re union on Friday this week, he is not sure if he remembers me but told me that his wife has MS, that was a brave comment and a man I remember as the gung ho soldier clearly has a great love and compassion for his wife (empathy) I am going to this re union to relieve the good ol days but also to close a chapter in my life, I will meet people I disliked as a young soldier, people I respected, but for me it is an opportunity to see how they have evolved spiritually and as humans, not as soldiers, I am sure there will be good times, old stories, but more importantly we would of given our lives for eachother then, now we will give our lives as brothers, sisters, and spirits on our journeys, EMPATHY

  2. -quinn ext.5484

    very important point is that, it is a two way street, and if your mate is hurting no matter how big or small being a supportive partner is a key factor to a healthy relationship.

  3. -quinn ext.5484

    how very true. my ex (a Cancer) used to say to me “what do you want” and all i wanted was a hug and to be told everything was going to be okay… which it wasn’t in the end.
    so i married a Virgo. empathy is his coat of arms. how wonderful to have someone feel ya emotionally and understand you intellectually.

    sure wish marriages were easier and that people did not give up so quickly.

  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Depends on the circumstances…..

    For example: If I lost a job, or had a fender-bender car accident….yes, I would want my mate to be supportive emotionally.

    But if I’m just having a bad hair day, or the dog got into the garbage and made a mess…why would I want to spoil my mate’s day too…or anybody else’s day for that matter.(?)
    Afterall, I’m a mature adult and these little things happen in life, why make somebody else miserable too .

  5. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    I would wish that my mate would be there for me in a supportive manner IF I were distressed……

    but…..NO, I would never intentionally WANT my mate, or any other person around me for that matter, to feel my pain….or any other pain.


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