Are You Waiting for Your Relationship to Get Better?
If you’ve stopped here, you’ve already come pretty close to the end of your patience, and just need an answer. So we’ll get right to it and skip over the reasons why a relationship may not be exactly right and acknowledge that something about your relationship is really wrong and not getting better on its own. This doesn’t mean you don’t love someone dearly (even desperately), but it does mean that something important is missing and hasn’t been genuinely addressed. It’s also something that hurts enough to potentially end the relationship.
Do you want to break up with your partner, but don’t know how? Our relationship psychics can help!
Here are a few reasons why people want to end relationships:
Lack of commitment
Alienation (They shut you out.)
Alcohol and/or drug abuse
Physical/Mental/Emotional abuse or intimidation
Any one of these might seem like a pretty straightforward reason to begin devising an exit plan, yet people stay in relationships for years (even decades) when one or even several of the above issues are consistently occurring. It’s actually more common than you might think.
If it’s difficult to pull out of a Wall Street investment when it starts going south, it’s even harder to get out of a love relationship that hasn’t “panned out.” The term was once used to reference the success or failure of gold mining, but it also applies to love. The implication is that there has to be some kind of obvious, measurable gain that either makes you want to celebrate, or shows you bigger and bigger glimmers of “gold” that motivate you to “keep panning.” But, just as in mining for gold, someone can only go so long without getting a benefit from the investment and labor of love before giving up.
Is it Going to Get Better?
Many of the problems mentioned above are solvable if addressed in an honest, productive way, but the turmoil and pain that can remain in their wake may or may not be. Some people are just naturally more forgiving, patient and tolerant in a relationship; some tend to be just more determined to hang in there. But eventually, most people will arrive at a breaking point, usually brought on by the sadness and hopelessness that comes with realizing it’s probably not going to get better.
Too many people look at love as an all-or-nothing situation, which can cast you and your partner into roles that are unbecoming to each other. Try creating a forum that allows the nature of the relationship to change without being adversarial. You both may have become trapped in opposing roles without realizing it, or may have just begun noticing too many personality differences and began punishing each other, which creates a whole new dimension to the existing conflict and misery. You don’t have to go to counseling to effectively communicate about the real problems, but many people will break up without ever revealing the truth of why. Then someone feels “thrown away” and there is little hope of remaining friends, if that’s what you desire.
When it’s Over
Suffering in any relationship is sad, but suffering in silence is unnecessary and prolongs the pain.
It’s time to have an honest conversation about what’s going on. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, or long. In fact, if your partner is about to be dumped, he or she would probably prefer it be kept short and sweet. It can begin with “I need to tell you something because I respect you and want what’s best for both of us, but things have to change immediately or we’ll need to go our separate ways.”
Before preparing the farewell speech, consider the benefit of transitioning a bad situation into a better one. Your situation is more likely to transition out of a romantic relationship and into a real and possibly lasting friendship if you are honest about the reasons why.
Why not have a thoughtful conversation about what changes need to happen—before calling it quits? Many will choose to have this kind of talk at the wrong time, fueled by anger, and then later decide not to follow through with the new (allegedly important) boundary. For example, if Brenda doesn’t trust her boyfriend and constantly monitors his phone and friendships, he could either complain to his friends and argue with her about it every weekend until they break up, or sit her down and let her know that his real issue is quite a simple one—trust and respect. Then he can mention that, from now on, he’ll be choosing his own friends, hiding his phone, and won’t be feeling guilty if they break up over it. If Brenda wants to stay in the relationship, she’ll back down.
Either way, it was a productive conversation.
8 thoughts on “Have You Waited too Long for Your Relationship to Feel Right?”
Yes, you do get it!
Unfortunately, one of the most potent powers of a problematic relationship is that it commands our interest and keeps us fully engaged. Crisis-love management also requires a continuous commitment to the concept of love meets crisis…which then provides a cloak for emotional manipulation to slip through quietly – until you feel trapped in a routine that is based on the need to monitor someone else’s moods and struggles – to the exclusion of your own needs and happiness.
For all that you’ve given already, don’t give up in trying to gain a benefit from the relationship that is yours, and yours alone, without explanation, postponement or apology.
Thank you for your comments, which struck me as really more of a thematic poem in your life.
You’re carrying the spiritual and emotional weight of people who made choices that later backfired, and perhaps unconsciously turned on you during times they were searching for someone else to blame for what were really their own personal failures, fears and regrets. As someone who cares whether those you love are O.K., its seems you took on more of that responsibility (which is theirs) than you should have had to bear.
My sincerest hope is that you are able to let go of the misery and burdens of others that are not, and will never be, your own.
You’ve stayed because you are your partner’s strength. Your partner knows this (and needs this), but wouldn’t want it said out loud. Further complicating the relationship is that I sense there is actually love – albeit a confusing, often misdirected love – on both sides, here. Please don’t worry or wonder if you’ve ‘waited too long’. You have every right to stay and ‘experiment’ with your boundaries to see if things do improve, and this is the real question your heart needs answered. So your reasons for staying seem very valid to me, actually. When you are ready, you will leave, and you won’t have to worry that you left too soon.
Thank you for your kind comments, especially since I doubt that you would ever ‘wait too long’ for a wobbling relationship to resolve itself on its own. You are direct, and are really too wise and appreciative to waste time stomping around something that is ‘not quite right’. So cheers to you, and to all of those who are trying their hardest to figure things out in an honest way – both for themselves, and their partners!
It Is so easy Deal that before with my past and it was heart broken Now
He never was My EX.
He wants me to be happy and same with me for him.
Always TOGETHER all the time and then it got SOUR was My Parents break-up because of that.
I do get it, the problem is fixing the problem.
Glad this got posted. Thank you! I will use this and hope others will consider your advice.
Good advice. I’ve tried this several times but without luck but I trying to get out of a narcissistic emotionally abusive relationship.